Wednesday, 16 April 2014

What Has Character Got To Do With The Coochie?!


Do I foresee the future that some people might get scared chatting with me, for fear that conversations may serve as content for my THOUGHTS. Hahahah. I know, yea? (Chei! my friend is gonna be mad. But #whadeheck buddy... You know na. Lol).

Anyway, a male friend of mine called to ask for some lady's number. A number I don't have but promised I could help get even though I was wondering why he desperately wanted it... till he said he had a mega crush on her. Actually nothing but a 'Fuck-crush'...in his own words. "I gotta STRAFF the girl. She's too sexilicious" ...hahahah...(crazy man). Well, I said to him that I'm amazed at how many guys are crazy bout her...even though I recognise she's really pretty and cute...I didn't think she had a depth of character...but then again, what do I know about another woman being SEXY and deep. I'm straight meeehn....hehehe!

Ofcourse my friend told me, point in case. Character has got nothing to do with this particular business...she is "pretty cute and come-fuck-me-licious"...that's all he needed and I got the gist straight up. After all, what has CHARACTER got to do with the COOCHIE? Err...I guess not much. Lol.

I mean when a man is looking for a SEX-MATE, he's really not looking for a woman he can discuss politics, stock market or the world peace...neither is he looking for someone he can pray the ANGELUS with at lunch break. He just wants to stick his friggin JELLY in her forest gump. While he makes her meow like a PUSSY cat as he hollers like a german shepard.

Well, my friend is married, so obviously he's not looking for a second wife and I doubt he's done training his little kids....so this is nothing but a sexual TRYST...and he's old enough to handle his SHIT (so hey...I better mind my business). But it occurred to me, that though this is one man with a different goal, there are so many single men and women looking for meaningful relationships, yet have the SAME approach to choosing a mate...its all about the EXTERIOR, the ATTRACTION.... Character is underrated, CHEMISTRY is overrated and a great FUCK lands you a hot deal (Yes! The potential mate) and let's be honest 70% of relationships and marriages started as nothing but just casual SEX. And we all know, great sex with a good sex-mate is addictive. Who wouldn't give a PERMANENT spot to have that?! Yes, being that we are all animals of HABIT!

Still there may have been a number of times in the past when you thought you met the "right" person… and yet they turned out, like all the others, to be WRONG. How do we ensure that we are INVESTING in the right one whether physically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, financially or otherwise.

I'll use myself as an example coming from my previous relationships and failed marriage. Several times, I mistook the 'chemistry' in what should have just stayed a SEXUAL relationship for an EXCLUSIVE relationship that ended up in a 'blind' marriage and all my other potential relationships... after that, which FAILED to blossom into anything rather significant. I kept questioning my own JUDGEMENT, which is the hardest thing to do when you pride yourself on being intelligent and rational.

Apparently I had seemingly ignored some men's SELFISH, NARCISSISTIC tendencies because of what came with the rest of their package – handsome, smart, talented, successful, etc. I had under-played CHARACTER and focused way too much on 'chemistry'...forgetting that all SEX does is blind you and warp your ability to DISCERN clearly the true depth of a person, no matter how long you've been with them.

I had to ask myself..."If EVERYTHING is taken away from them – their looks, body, career, money, property, success, even the great SEX and all the other material foolishness that defines them – would I like what's left?" And my answer was a big fat sexy NO! Because if I was true to myself, some of these men lacked either a "depth in CHARACTER" or "no strength of character".

I think that the things that are often IMPORTANT to us when we're young change as we get older. At 21, APPERANCE may be a big deal... but as we grow older, we learn that even though a bit of chemistry has to be present, deeper QUALITIES like 'honesty' and 'dependability' are must-haves. 

When we strip away everything that we have on the exterior, all that’s left on the INSIDE is just our MINDS, HEART, SPIRIT and it is rare to find that many people with the combination of a "sensible mind, kind heart and a generous spirit". And when we do find them...all other silly unrealistic PREFERENCES tramples it. Which is why some of us may have struggled for years to figure out why we choose the wrong ones…

The answer is right here. We've simply been investing in the least important qualities and for-going the most important of all, CHARACTER.

I remember having a heart to heart conversation with a MAN I had been on and off with for a few years and had practically been through my own hell with... and whilst he never admitted to calling me anything other than a FRIEND....we did everything those in a committed relationship did (at least by my own standards). Still I figured 6 years was a long time to address some of the issues I had with him... and then he explained he won't be able to 'prioritize' our RELATIONSHIP because he was still reeling from the HURT of another important relationship he had (talk about complicated, I know) hahahah. I remember attentively LISTENING and wondering whether or not his HONEST assessment of how much he could give me was HONOURABLE, and whether or not his accomplishment, good looks, intelligence and confusion were worth waiting around until he could decide he NEEDED me in his life- but the truth was clear- if he’s not prioritizing me NOW, he’s never going to. So I needed to pay LESS attention to the fantastic 'sexual chemistry' I had with him and MORE attention to his character over time. Did he have the sort of character to clearly differentiate between STANDARD and PREFERENCE? Was he the sort to sabotage his relationships and focus too much on his own selfish desires? Did he have the depth of character to sustain a good honest loving relationship? Ehen oh!

"Standards are things you NEED in a partner. Preferences are things you WANT in a partner. Sometimes what you want is not what you need". Do we choose people who are able to RECOGNISE the difference or do we turn a blind eye? eg As a single mother, I personally (WANT) a man who is 'wealthy' - #Preference but I (NEED) a man who is 'Loving' - #Standards ...in any case I'm grateful for the depth of character to be able to choose a LOVING man over a WEALTHY man any day (and I mean what I say), still if I'm lucky to get a loving wealthy man...ALLELUYAH! (hands in the air) just saying...then hey! Perhaps it my BIRTHDAY! Hahahah.

I don't know how many times I have nicely turned down men, some of which I may have been genuinely attracted to, simply because I suspected they didn't have the strength of character to practice SAFE sex and I knew they were sexually reckless...Now for any man/woman with 'presence of mind'... it is rather difficult to invest yourself or your body (for those in plain sexual relationships), knowing that the object of your affection isn't mindful of how and where they plug their tools or which tools get plugged into them.

Yes chemistry gets a relationship STARTED but character keeps it going and SUSTAINS it...because LOOKS will change. JOBS will come and go, MONEY changes flow and the PUSSY, we know aint gold. Hahaha. But what lasts forever is your CHARACTER mold.

In the end we all want someone who is CRAZY about us, knows very quickly that they want to be EXCLUSIVE; someone of INTEGRITY who is attracted to our minds as well as our body; someone who INVESTS in learning more about us, CHEERS us in every ASPECT of our lives; is happy to be part of us and INTEGRATES us into their own lives.

Because there are no shortage of impressive men and women out there, who make us TINGLE down to our genitals every time we think of them – but they’re WORTHLESS if they lack a depth in character or a strength of character. So the next time you consider DATING someone, don’t get too carried away by their charm, wit, beauty, money, the size of his dick or the juicy wetness of her COOCHIE…

Instead, learn to CUT out the time wasters and appreciate the person who DOES what they SAY, who says what they MEAN, who LOVES you for what's inside of you (and I don't mean your punani baby...Lol.) just someone who makes it clear that you’re a PRIORITY to them and they are willing to STAY by you...What do you think lovelies? Am I silly to think 'character' yields better results than 'chemistry'? Feel free to share your thoughts.

Have A Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!

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