If you have been DESPERATE at anytime or even tempted to start up a fellowship group in church or mount a permanent MONITORING station in front of your exes house. You've certainly been going about it the wrong way. Now I won't PRETEND I have all the answers considering, I personally gave up on that agenda a long time ago, and left my ROMANTIC fate to the cold hands of destiny. But if you don't BELIEVE in waiting for destiny to JUGGLE the options, of choosing for you....who's face you WAKE up to or who greases you down below. Hahaha. Then feel free to try what I'm about to share....I know a few people who got back in the SADDLE with their exes for real, even long enough to get to the ALTAR and sneak in a few buns in their virile oven.
Before you embark on a TOP secret MISSION to get your ex back, I would advice you to EVALUATE your past relationship with that person. Was he/she a POSITIVE influence in your life? Was he/she a good partner to you? Have they matured/changed for the better? If your answer is No, then you need to THINK really deeply, if getting back together is such a good idea. Besides your LONELINESS or bruised ego could be giving you wrong signals and MIS-LEAD you into thinking you still NEED them in your life. Remember, Getting them back is easy, if you are not expecting much. But keeping them or expecting him/her to change is the difficult part... don't DELUDE yourself on your ability to change that person, it's not going to happen. People simply CHANGE because they love you enough to, not because you expect, desire or demand it. So here's what I learnt the hard way!
#1) Don't Apply Pressure...
Oh C'mon! Yes we know you are desperate. You want them back this very minute... But relax.... Applying PRESSURE is the best way to lose any chance of getting your ex back. (Ha! I learnt this one the hard way....it just completely turned my ex off....Truth be told, it turns me off too when a man puts pressure on me). Besides, It is also a TESTED way to lose your exes respect and your DIGNITY. Even if you feel desperate, do NOT call him/her every day or even worse, every few hours! Do NOT start turning up at her house begging, crying or even shouting their name over the fence. Hehehe. Who really wants to get back TOGETHER with a crazzzzy drama king/queen? You dig? Bottom line...pressure won't make someone come back to you.
#2) Maintain A Distance...
I know that it might not make SENSE to distance yourself from someone you WANT to be with. Yea! But, this distance, however, is only TEMPORARY . In the first couple of weeks, maybe months after a beak up, distance is a good thing. It gives your ex time to MISS you and figure out whether or not to give your relationship a second chance.
Get involved in your own activities. Play hard to get. It is actually one of the most EFFECTIVE ways to make your ex wonder how you are faring without them....and whether, you are happier.
#3) Start Friendly Contact...
This is not OBSESSIVE calling and checking up on him/her....but rather, a friendly call every few days. This can be beneficial cos it shows genuine INTEREST in their welfare yet maintaining a friendly respectable BOUNDARY on your part. If he/she is missing you, they will look forward to these calls.....maybe even put a call across to you themselves.
If your calls leave them with a good feeling, he/she might take it as a SIGN that they are meant to be with you. Keep your calls POSITIVE (don't moan and cry about your sick puppy or another love interest....hmm....i would know yeah? Yes, I've tried many times, aiming a cheap shot at making him jealous....hahahah....well I only succeeded in communicating that I had moved on and didn't need him) and we know that's NOT what you want right? So Keep it light, interesting, upbeat and short. Leave your ex wanting MORE.
#4) Get Ready To Meet Up...
Finally! This may take a few weeks or even months, but once you have ESTABLISHED friendly contact with your ex and he/she seems RECEPTIVE to it, you can see if they would like to meet up in person. Let them know that it’s just two friends hanging out, nothing more. Seeing them in person will present the opportunity to RECONNECT and REKINDLE old flames.
If they seem OPEN to another date, remain friendly and make plans to meet again in a FEW days. It may take a couple of meetings before he/she sees that the relationship may really WORK. If you're lucky, it may only take one date! But err....let's be realistic.
Lastly, one of the biggest HURDLES to getting back with your ex is holding unto past GRIEVANCES (I did that for so long and it kept holding me back from truly EXPRESSING my affection or even getting closure). Instead of focusing on the many reasons why you broke up, think about making the relationship work this time round.
After all, it's not every time one gets a SECOND chance....But if it doesn't work out, feel free to invite me to share a bottle of your favorite cognac with you, as you drown your sorrows. Believe me darling, you may not see the blessings worth celebrating now. But you will, when the PAIN is over and done!
Have A Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!