For the last week, I've been getting quite a bit of direct contact from my loyal ABC readers, who want my advice or my OPINION on whatever issues they are going through....and though I will not pretend to be a LOVE or life coach. I like to admit that I'm a woman who has made her fair share of mistakes and has gained a bit of WISDOM the hard way.
One of my very consistent readers, who I also now consider a friend, sent me a MESSAGE this morning and has given me permission to SHARE with you all, the content of our BBM chat. Have you ever found yourself deeply ATTRACTED to someone and wanting more, yet they continue to put you in the FRIEND zone, despite your efforts? Well my PM message below must have gotten his attention
"You deserve someone who jumps fences to be with you,not someone who's on the fence about being with you. You should be a priority not an option."
Here's my chat with Demele below....
DEMELE : Hi Alex, Can I get your Naked Thoughts on something?
ME : Sure. I'm listening....
DEMELE : What does it really mean when a lady says she just want to be friends with a guy? Is it not said that the best person to be in a relationship with is your friend? Why is it that ladies fall for those that tend to 'deceive' them but take for granted, those that are 'straight to the point'? I know it's natural for a lady to say 'No' at first even though she may want the guy, but is there not a limit to the 'No'? If you ask, they act all too unconcerned. If you do not ask, they say you are not bold. So what is it that they actually want?
ME : Lol. They want a man who is consistent, confident and has strong convictions about his feelings for her. Understand this....Women don't fall in love. Infact, I don't believe anyone does....though it's way easier for men to confuse that instant lust or attraction for love. Women GROW to love. Can you tell the difference? And for something to grow....it needs to be nurtured and nourished over a period of time. A woman needs time to figure out that she needs you, but it's up to you to show her that. So she will test you in so many ways....most of it is subconscious though. Cause she doesn't want to let down her guard and then fail at the choice she makes. That being said, if you are a very good friend and she enjoys your friendship....whilst you still give her something to be attracted to, or crave....she will gradually want more. Because when a woman says she wants to be friends....she may be saying she wants to have you close....but with some boundaries to help her decide whether she wants more from you or not. For men, they are straight up telling you they don't see you as anything more. And that's it. But for a woman, she may be stylishly saying she doesn't want any pressure but she's considering you for a mate. Whether you win, now depends on how you carry on.
DEMELE : You've been a great help. I appreciate. However, I have a few more things i'd like you to help clear out. When is the best time to 'ask' to take the 'friendship' to a more serious level? If one has asked and she says ' I'm not ready for a response now. Let me think about it', when is the best time to ask again?
ME : Honestly, don't ask again....Give her something to want. Become exciting, maybe even evasive. Disappear for a while, but stay in the picture (by that, I mean....cut out the long phone calls if any....but send a simple n curt text. "How are you dear, Hope you are well? Just checking on you briefly. Take care". You have shown care without being all over her. If you were of real value, trust me, she will notice and miss you. Don't cut off completely. It will give space for someone else to walk in. If she's a strong assertive woman like me. She probably doesn't like smothering. After a while, She will seek you out and probably call you...she may even want to talk or find out what's wrong and why the subtle change in attitude. Women always want they don't understand....its in our genes....we silently love a healthy challenge. The good thing about this....is that it will also give you some space for your own clarity. And time will reveal whether you both really want each other or not. It's difficult but stay strong. Whichever way it goes, You will end up the wiser.
DEMELE : hmm....Thanks
ME : Meanwhile, give me your permission to share this on my blog. If you don't mind....we might help someone going through the same emotions.
DEMELE : Thank you so much Alex. You've made me more confident with a lady I truly want to build a future with. It's OK to share it on your blog. I want other men to benefit from it too. Can I have a pix of you, I will like to use it as my dp as a way of my appreciation.
ME: Awww. Sweet.....Okay. Will send you one.
DEMELE : Do have a pleasant day Alex.
ME : You too dear. Thanks.
And he actually used my picture as his BBM display picture. I honestly hope he's able to get past the friend zone, cos I personally know how it feels to be in love with a "Friend". Hopefully Demele and I have been able to encourage someone with this post.
If you have any thoughts you want to share with me. Feel free to contact me and let's talk about it. I don't promise to have all the answers....but as someone who knows quite a bit about joy, pain and struggle....yet you let me share them here with you. I'll be more than happy to share in yours too.
Enjoy The Rest Of Your Friday Lovelies! Muaaah!