So I'm standing there paying the shop attendant, when some CHUBBY guy with some streak of grey in his hair walks in. I mean, I recognised his face instantly, despite the smithereens of GRAY and obvious weight gain that greeted his middle region (either he's a fan of beer, his wife has been stuffing him with pounded yam or his METABOLISM isn't just friendly) I'm struggling to get my eyes away from the 'fanny pack' wrapped around his waist (it was weird watching it jiggle up and down a man's gut....and I don't mean a hot dude with wash board for abs, abeg.... very weird). Anyway, I'm here SECRETLY thanking God, I had some some common sense and the nerve to turn down this 'Nna Bros' from 9/10 years ago. I remember him stalking me every chance he got. I received text messages, emails, calls, gifts, spooky visits and I remember avoiding church so I don't have to see his face waiting for me at the parking lot. Yep! It was that bad. He used to chase me all around church (not that I was a regular visitor, but Sundays weren't fun anymore), let's not add showing up at the family house unannounced....Yes, the brother was looking for a wifey and somehow thought me, the 'sisteren' was a perfect candidate for him. Ha!!!! No o!!! How na?Mba nu!! Me Ke? Lai Lai o.
I remember him making a CD collection of LOVE songs he probably thought will IMPRESS me, maybe even influence me (I gotta admit, I first heard that beautiful collaboration between Babyface and Kevin Edmonds "A girl like you" knocked me off my socks)...Err, not enough to fall for the guy but at least enough to realise Baby face was a musical genius of sort.... And he made 2 more SPECIAL compilations for me, a noble and uniquely sweet gesture I would normally gravitate towards, except he was acting like there was some SPELL about to be cast upon me and I will suddenly travel to the EAST and tell the people of 'Umahia' that he was the one....Hahahah. I'm not even laughing at the thought, I'm just amazed at how people generally aim beyond their STANDARDS even though they are unwilling to meet the requirements.
He did have a little MONEY at the time and I have to confess that I didn't say no to his unending gifts....but the more gifts I collected, the bigger my no and I guess he just didn't realise that I just wasn't the type who could be BOUGHT (Okay, even I didn't realise it myself). Lol.
So he's standing here with his wedding band in FINGER (praise God) and asking me about work and my family (note that by family he's referring to my fictitious husband and kids....i'm not even about to dissuade him). "Wow is this really you? (No it's not really me....its my twin ghost, hehehe....stupid question people ask these days though)....The only time I see you, Alexandra is on TV, when I watch your soaps and movies. (Err...yeah, how do I respond to this one....I'm almost about to yell, no its not really me. it's the other twin, remember I'm a ghost. And that A-L-E-X-A-N-D-R-A, it's my name yeah, I know.... but I don't know why I feel when people who know me well pronounce my full name, it's just too much of an effort at sounding DISTINGUISHED. Isn't 'Alex' just way easier to pronounce? Shior!!!)
"How's work going? How's your family and children? How many kids do you have now?" (A football field, I BIRTH them every spring....*tongue out). Then I decide to act my age a little and replied. "Actually, I have just one dear" thinking he will KNOCK it off and we will exchange goodbyes. "Wow! Just one? Why na? You need more o" (Hian! Biko nu....when did having just one child become a 'wow' instance and how is he able to determine that I need more kids ehn?)....When I'm up to my neck JUGGLING Ray and work.
So he says, "What's your husband doing about it na? If I was your man, I will be pumping you with belle everyday" and laughed sheepishly at his tasteless JOKE. Ehn, what did he just say? Did this 'rotund-motor-mouth' just create a sexual scenario between both of us? Ha! My sense of humour is out of the window....(in ya wildest dream mate...twaaaa) so I looked at him, TEMPTED to tell him there was no husband, that I was now a single mother....instead my evil CLAWS came out for his blood and so I replied "Thank God, you are not my husband cos if I was your wife, I'll be stocking your mouth with a pair of smelly socks everyday...." and I walked away, the 'mean girl strut'....of course, right after flashing him my brightest sweetest smile and a tiny pat on his shoulder. #wink.
Do you think I was mean Lovelies? Let me know how you will you act, if you meet an obsessed stalker from the past? Feel free to share your thoughts.
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Have A Terrific Tuesday Lovelies! Kisses!!!