Friday, 31 January 2014

What Do Men Want?!

I spent 2 hours on the phone listening to my friend RANT off about her good-for-nothing beau. Yes! I call him that because I'm the one who keeps calming, reassuring and reminding her of how valuable, strong and precious she is, when I'm not even the 'man' who's SCREWING her and enslaving her with false proclamation of LOVE. Yes! He is good for nothing in my books. Now madam-friend wants me to give her my recipe for 'ofe-nsala' aka 'white soup' to make for Oga Boyfriend whom she found out slept with her neighbour, he claimed was die hard SEXIER, got miss friendy and neighbour pregnant, drove friendy away and now wants her back when he's still shagging her cousin and err...is yet to DIVORCE his 'so called' ex wife. Still she wants to cook him a 'make up' meal when she should be serving him a break up deal. Shuo! The guy doesn't know what he wants. And even if he did, he sure doesn't DESERVE her, yet she's working very hard to PLEASE him.

It reminds me of a comment an Aunt passed once at a family function saying that my mom and I are great hostesses seeing that we aptly managed a number of very confused, difficult and self absorbed house guests at our last family cook out. My INTERPRETATION of that statement is simple...Hmm...A good hostess is a PLEASER! So if you are a pleaser like us or my silly friendy I'm so dying to knock on the head (forgive me dear but you deserve it)...This pertinent question may have crossed your mind numerous times. "What do men really want?" Hahahah. I don't think they have any idea!

Please believe that this isn't an attack on men but an open medium for conversation. I'm sure they even ask themselves the same question "What do I want?" Picture a woman meeting a nice looking man, they have great conversation, get to know each other and start a RELATIONSHIP. She thinks he may be somewhat opinionated, maybe a little rigid, probably has bad taste in music and can't really pronounce the letter 'R' but she's willing to overlook his weaknesses. He thinks she's beautiful, intelligent, enterprising, hard-working, kind hearted, a great LOVER in bed, a superb cook et all but starts to think because she refuses to become a pushover, expresses her opinions way too often or maybe has a bit of a TEMPER, it now becomes a huge dent in her character.

He wants you to be skinny yet have gigantic buttocks and boobies like NICKI MINAJ, when infact hers aren't real and he doesn't even have the money to pay for cosmetic surgery...
And even if he does pay, there's no guarantee that he will stay with you. When you move on to the next man he wants you to look like JESSICA ALBA. They like you slim, full figured, short, tall, dark, lighter, strong, weak, experienced, inexperienced. Dude, what the hell do you want? One likes fish, the other doesn't eat meat, he loves garlic, he can't stand onions, he loves pepper, doesn't eat salt. Seriously? How are we even supposed to keep up? He claims he's into dark skin women but he is screwing the yellow paw-paw' lady down his block. He likes short hair, no wait a minute...I meant, he loves long hair. We are taking slimming pills and going on fad diets just so we can please you. Yet we are doing a terrible job because you don't even know what you WANT.

We are wearing padded under pants, padded bras, dying our hair, fixing artificial nails, false lashes, BLEACHING our skins and wearing body magic. I'm sorry honey, but we are not doing this for ourselves or for other women we come across. We are doing this to keep up with your ever changing needs...and your ever wandering eyes Lol. I thought we are supposed to KISS a couple of frogs before we meet prince charming but it seems women will have to screw the entire POND before we even catch a glimpse of him. Lol.

Being in a relationship or being MARRIED doesn't exclude your man. Darling your man doesn't know what he wants...You ask him to choose between you and another lover. He chooses her, you move on to someone else and then he realises he wants you back. Guy how far na?! He says he loves you today but then you have a fight and all of a sudden he realises he still loves his ex or rather he is confused about you and the sexy lady he just met yesterday. He says he wants you to be yourself and then he keeps hinting at things he would love you to change...And women are supposed to be the COMPLICATED sex, right? He is allowed to have a long sexual history but expects to be your 'first' and still wants you to come in armed with all the many ways to please him in bed. How are we supposed to even know that, if we don't pass through the BEDS of several men *wink. Isn't there some sort of a double standard here? You say we are a better lover than your ex but when we are having sex why are you imagining you are screwing your ex. Dang! He wants to be with you, no he wants his space.

Mehn! I love men, but it would be so much easier if you just communicated to us your feelings and your needs. Instead of expecting us to read your mind and then berate us later for constantly assuming on your behalf. Need I remind you that 'DIALOGUE' is for adults, so stop ignoring us cos if you heard us the first time around, we won't have to nag you silly. Its supposed to be a man's world right? yet there are more women in it. What a laugh!

She tolerates your sister, your mother might just be that incorrigible menace, We pretend to enjoy 'champions league', can't you even let us watch "keeping up with kadashians" even though we both think its silly. She knows her breasts are sagging after breastfeeding your babies but you said she's still beautiful so why are you texting your neighbour that you love her firm double Ds. She doesn't mind your big beer belly, your ugly toe nails, your twisted hairy chest or your sagging dick. Infact its what makes you different. What makes you different makes you beautiful. Ehen!!! Don't call your woman GORGEOUS and SEXY and refer to that absolutely ugly irritating colleague of yours as gorgeous and sexy too. Common na, how can every woman be gorgeous? Duh! You want a STRONG woman who can run a home and support you when the chips are down but then you claim she's too strong cos she promises to return the slap if you hit her one more time. You compare her temperament to another woman because you can't handle someone telling you like it is. You wanted her to be a housewife but you compare her to her mates on the COVER of magazines. She's too quiet, you say she's boring and doesn't have an opinion. She loves to party just like you, you say she's wild. She gets drunk for the first time in 32years of marriage and you say she's a bad example to the kids forgetting the number of times you begged her to even taste whisky against her wish.

You say women NAG you but you have no idea, half the things they stomach quietly. You hurt her and broke her heart but you are quick to tell your friends that she's a DRAMA queen. You don't want a baby but you refuse to use a CONDOM, she let's you have your way then you claim she must be doing so with other men. So she says crazy things to you when she's mad but she never leaves you anyway. I thought all men shared the same manual...but it seems like we are going to lose our minds trying to TAILOR ourselves to their ever changing needs.Why is that when you are talking to your guy pal on the phone, you yell on top of your voice "padi mi, how far na?" But when you are talking to your so called female friend, you are whispering like its a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY. We know all your antics and we just put up with you not because we can't walk away but we hold on to that tiny fragment of good that we still see in you. Yes!

If we don't share details with you, you say we are secretive...we don't trust you. Then we tell you everything, you use it against us...too much info, we lose our MYSTERY before you. (Its called see finish) Then you want the new lady who just slipped her complimentary card in your pocket. She's fresh, mysterious. Ah! Egba mi! You want us back, but we hear you are still sleeping with 5 other women including that one you know I can't stand...Dude, we left you for a reason...No! Don't tell us its nothing but just SEX. Well, would you understand its nothing but just sex for us, if we did the same? No! No! No! Don't come CRYING to our mothers that you are now a CHANGED man and you are now ready to marry us. Heheheh! We women know how this works...yes the fake tears. You USE them on us too. We all know damn well you are never going to change. You won't even accept you have a PROBLEM in the first place. My friend go get a divorce first, you are still married...and last we checked, you still live with your WIFEY. Oh! we are sorry! You are the SINGLE one! You buy us a RING, we tell the entire family n friends, day is drawing near and now you are confused. Excuse me but what are you confused about? Wasn't it you tucked in deep in our sweet honey pot whispering WILD beautiful melodies of how you want us to be an integral part of your life, your wife, the mother of your KIDS? Now you are confused, oh lord, even we are confused. Wasn't it you?

Oh here comes our brother divorced with two kids but asking us to convince our model friend to marry him yet he insists, that we settle for that Ugly Alhaji who can't even speak a word of ENGLISH... because he believes no good man will marry a single parent like us. REALLY? You want no strings attached but you expect us to cook for you after warming your bed. HEY! Are we running a bed and breakfast here? Lol. You say when women say no they mean YES...atleast you know what we mean. We can't say the same for you because We have no incline whether you mean yes, no or maybe! We think we are having the perfect marriage with you, 15 years of awesome time but you have spent 10years of that in a committed relationship with another man! Bros, what do you want? Do you like men or do you like women? Or do you like men to think you like women, when you are secretly thinking of men? How can you love us and love 5 other women too when we are nothing alike? How can you run 2 seperate homes, 3 relationships and pretend its not driving you crazy. You don't want to confide in us, but you are willing to confide in that 5 BUCKS a night hooker who's also screwing your BOSS. You want us to tell you that you are the only ONE when infact you know we are finding it difficult to give ourselves to you cos we know that we are not your only one.

Isn't it funny that you CHEAT on the one you don't want to 'LOSE' with the one you don't want to 'KEEP'. Guy, where is your brain na? Seriously, it takes a Real Woman to Love a Man. Simple words but very profound and deep, if you know what that truly means. Hence my theory that men are more COMPLEX than women. How about you sort yourself out before you complicate our already not so funny existence. This is not a comparison between men and women. We are just saying, you are NOT as 'simple or easy' to please as you think or would like us to BELIEVE. So cut us some slack and give us a huge pat on the ASS. You won't be half as TOLERANT if we had to poke you and all the men around while you got tales of our sexcapades, bear our babies, cook our meals, clean our homes and watch us lie to you on a regular. But then again, what do we know...Women are pleasers...So please remind me again "Biko...What is it that MEN really want?"

Have a Fantastic Friday Lovelies!
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Thursday, 30 January 2014

Bad....All By Myself!!!

Its Thursday again, the third one in a row that I'm feeling HORNY as fuck...Err...Yes...And turning down that deserving pat on the ass from Mr Man was a bad decision...bad...bad decision... especially since I want him right now all over me DRIVING me crazy. I don't know if its the coming of age or just a new found appreciation for my 'sexuality' as well as my 'sensuality', but I'm becoming more vocal about my desires...and I'm sorry...but no real apologies tendered.

My life has become somewhat monotonous and there's the naughty part of me that's yelling for some adventure. I do recall telling a certain special someone that I could smell temptation all around me and I wanted to taste its sweetness and smell its fragrance. I had regaled him with tales of how I wanted to screw 7 different men, one for each day of the week in a different way and a different place...something I have never done before...Perhaps I could have the nerves to step out of my little 'good-girl' cocoon and try something ballsy for once in my life.
Just imagine me on Monday, caught up on Third Mainland Bridge 10pm, naked on the bonnet of a car, the night breeze gliding my skin, 'Monday Man' inside of me pummeling away and headlights flashing past us but we are deeply PENETRATED in the business of the night to care even a wink.

Or on Tuesday afternoon, I'm at the pool-side, 'Tuesday Man' walks in pulls in a seat whilst staring at me intensely. I draw him in with my eyes and sashay right to the entrance of the pool, my swim wear under pants stuck snugly in between my round ass cheeks, not willing to distract him so I let it stay that way, and jump right into the water. Of course, I cannot swim but who cares...I hear water aerobics are good...and I'm in desperate need of RE-BOOT. He comes right in and does a few laps. Yes, forward strokes, backward strokes and some breast strokes...Oops...'Breast strokes', reaaal slow...There it is...I let out a gentle sigh. His finger found a nipple. My toes curl to make ripples. Say I need a couple of stretches. Yes he stretches his lips with mine... and sticks a finger inside my now literally wet pussy to test the results of his deep sweet kiss...

Then on Wednesday, Mr Wednesday Man sends his driver over, I'm wearing a little black dress with no panties and some heels. I step into the Range...And boy, we could make use of this room. I hear Joe's "Sex in my Jeep" gracing me from the radio speakers and I instantly get wet. No care in the world that the driver is right there and stealing glances at me through the rear view mirror... I can't wait to get Mr Wednesday in here with me... but there's traffic ahead. I better cure this ITCH. So I spread my legs a little and stick my index finger to feel my CLIT...aah! Damn! I'm soaking wet...I circle the tip of my clit with motions faster than a working fan blade...Fuck...I have to let out an inaudible scream...driver is checking me out but who cares... I'm just about to CREAM...wait...we are there and Wednesday Man hops in...He can smell me all over his leather seat but hey, this party is just about to begin. I'm not wasting even a minute...I spread them open and asked that he taste me. Hmmm...Oh Go...I'm about to get religious...Dang this man sure knows how to eat up a good girl's p...pussy. Boss man is eating...I'm wiggling...driver is whimpering...Chei!

Waltz in Thursday...and I'm out for drinks with 'Thursday man' and friends, we are seated at this beautiful lounge, trading gists, listening to great music and for some strange reason, I'm bored and in need of distraction...its only been 10 minutes...but for pete sake, I don't want to talk about politics...I don't want to talk about Fashion. I just want you right here HANDSOME. So I stretch my right hand over his crotch hoping Laide, Sarah and John can't see what's up. I unzip him gently and start to fondle his 'manhood'...I always hated that word but you know what?...I just understood the power it represents. I rub my hands on my ice cold glass...and run the hands across his dick...He instantly GASPS...I let out a silly little chuckle cos I know I'm being a bad bad girl.

Friday is here, and we made plans for the private beach... I gather its 6pm cos I can feel the cool... cool breeze...don't know what's up with this place but its put me in a ROMANTIC state with ease. Friday man feeds me some of the prawns and lobsters we ordered on our way here...and leans in for a quick KISS...maybe its the drink but I want us to stay this way for a few minutes. His tongue circling mine and discovery sensations we never knew existed. Phewww...he's stroking my back and nuzzling my neck...oh mehn, what the HECK? I'm losing all of my INHIBITION and what creeps to my intuition is that we are not about to rush this exhibition. He lays me down and gently kisses every single cranny of my anatomy...Lord!...I'm getting religious again...but in a nice way. He whispers "You're a beautiful woman, Alex" and the bass in his whisper send CHILLS down my spine. I'm dripping and aching from too much ecstasy and I NEED him right now...notice I said 'need' not 'want'. I could possibly die if he doesn't fill me with more than his touch...so I put my feminine pride aside and beg..."I need you inside me...please...NOW...fuck me now friday man." I take off his shirt and place my mouth on his nipples...I can smell his cologne...his masculine MIX of sweat and musk. I run my hands through his back and I grope his bare ass...He can see it in my eyes...Its Now or Never...Of course he chooses now...

Saturday well, I'm not up for leaving this house but I've invited him for over for lunch...I've made some sea-food/veggie stir FRY with my favourite Indian Basmati RICE, some white sauce and pork chops...of course there's some Oha and Egusi in the fridge if he decides he needs to swallow to get energy for this SHIT! Bell rings Saturday Man is here but it seems he's hungry for the main 'P'... I'm still setting the table when he bends me over the dinning chair, pulls down my panties and drives his dick into me. His balls smacking up against my bare buttocks. I can't help myself...I'm screaming...I'm under his mercy and loving his touch. He grabs my waist and gives me a nice little tap "That's for being too sexy, my sweet Alex" he groants...Ha! I'm turned on even more...the bull is charging and I'm loving being his slave...his hostage!

Its Sunday grace...and saturday man spent the night over. Well, for finding someone else...I just figured he could do extra time since he choose to stay over. He has a flight out of town in 3 hours so he offered to leave a parting gift...what? He will give me a nice clean shave! My now Sunday man gets handy as he prunes and prunes till I'm completely hairless...he then wipes me up nicely with gentle soap and warm water before orally inspecting his job well done. He buries his head in my newly clean shaved 'SNATCH' and eats it like his life depends on it... I guess my neighbours can tell you every profanity that escaped my rather composed lips. We have an hour and half to get to the airport...okay, he will drive...why? Well he wants to beat time but I've got a little surprise up my sleeves... We get into a little traffic on the way, hence my cue, I unzip his pants and take his full erection in my mouth. He must have stepped all of a sudden on the breaks, cos I could hear other cars honking like CRAZE. Forget the bus driver winking and saluting us...its just payback for the shave! Hey! Just as I taste his pre-cum... My phone rings and jolts me off my reverie... I open my eyes, pick up my phone from the bed side and check caller ID, it's the only man I truly love calling to check up on me...Wow! Wow! I kinda cheated in my DREAM...Lol. Well, my life may be somewhat boring or monotonous...but I'm very sure he's the 'only man' I would rather explore all of my wild adventures with. I may not be able to leave my 'good-girl' cocoon in reality...but I know with my IMAGINATION, I can be BAD... all by Myself! Wink!!!

Have a Terrific Thursday Lovelies! Kisses!


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Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Eyebrows...And The Artistry!

Mehn! I know people will do anything for a little ATTENTION or to stand out, but even I have to admit this last woman definitely drew me out...to the point I had to push aside whatever credible thought creeping my head...pick up my INK...and air my humble piece of mind once and for all about the sorry state of EYEBROWS in this country. Ha! Its distracting and no doubt funny, that the painters have refused to spare us the 'eccentricity' of their ARTISTRY. Ever seen an eyebrow drawn like an UNDULATED curve, shaped like a 'U', thick as a bush and sharp as a bread knife. Don't laugh! I'm serious...

I'm just about to beg the woman who just walked into this store, to cease giving us OPTICAL epilepsy, or my cousin who recently looks like she's been practising with CHARCOAL on her face or that singer who thinks its hot to have them lines running from ear to ear like a 'grin' in the wrong place or the friend with the very thin, very dark, crooked lines crafted upon her yellow oblong face (Err...by yellow...you know what I mean na) and she never wants to understand that she sorta looks like a drag queen on Independence day. Chai! Even my brother noticed sef! Nne, what's black KHOL doing on your face eh...and to top it all, she never forgets to match it up with black liners on her NUDE lips.

I have come to realise that most people don't really notice other peoples eyebrows like I do, especially since I'm usually focused on gazing into peoples eyes for CLUES that fire up my INSTINCTS on whether I can trust their body language or the words coming out of their mouths when we are engaged. Didn't someone say the eyes are the windows into the soul?...well...that kinda makes the eyebrows the window FRAMES. Yep! How many times have I begged Aisha to go brow-waxing...or better still pluck the old fashioned way or use the 5 naira RAZOR blade. Thick full eyebrows may be back in trend but not everything in trend is fashionable and not everything that appears fashionable is APPROPRIATE for you. I mean why would anyone wear brows thick enough-in-inches to give 'Iyanya' a bit of a lift? Ewoooo!! If you must draw attention to your brow atle
ast let it be flattering. You don't wanna be the gallery owner who's testing a newbie painter a night before exhibition and ends up with something that resembles vagina lips on top of your face. He he he...I know...that was way off. But isn't it way off when a pretty/handsome person suddenly decides in the pursuit to look even better, screws up the window frames holding the only WINDOW we get access to quickly preview their souls...Aha!

The Eyebrows are meant to frame the FACE, not frame the whole of Lagos State. If you think about it deeply, you can not say they're not trying to look their best...You can just say they are FAILING woefully and causing us DISTRESS. You get it now?! Well I have one advice...I will just say don't 'drink and sketch', and if you aren't skilled enough to sketch...then simply leave it there...bare...bare...No Stress!!

Have a Wonderful Wednesday, Lovelies! Kisses!
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Tuesday, 28 January 2014

She's....Single By Design!

I have been reading "Food, Sex and Peace of mind" by Cheyenne Bostock and its incredible how this young man has been able to reiterate my thoughts in his book...even as a man. And just how he and a few other men like Tony Gaskin Jr have somewhat empowered me to embrace being single. After all 'SINGLE' is not a disease. Hahahah!

And whilst a woman might hate the idea of being alone. Being single is the way to be when someone is still finding themselves or is yet to find the person that meets their standards. I think I fall into the L...he he he...Got you! See them straining to find out what my reasons are. Aprokos!!! Lol. It is true that somewhere in a woman's heart, she believes there's a man out there who's strong enough, wise enough and loving enough to settle her down...but until she meets him...She will remain 'SINGLE BY DESIGN'.

Think about it, where is the sense in a woman who loves God, is thriving in her career, is of great value to her family, friends and community to simply settle for just any man with a 'penis' who isn't offering anything greater or showing evidence that he has access to something greater within.

Often times we make a big deal of mocking those who are single and allow the society to pressure us into making silly mistakes because we want to conform to societal ideals...and boy, do we make them mistakes (hahahah...I would know, right). But truly where is the sense in wasting valuable time, accompanying a MAN on a journey that has no destination?

Yes the 'SINGLE BY DESIGN' woman a.k.a 'the bitch' Vs the 'SINGLE BY DEFAULT' woman aka 'Miss nice'...My definition;

SIngle by Design: A woman of substance who is single by CHOICE and chooses to freely remain single until she finds the right man that meets her standards and principle despite the flock of attention she gets, because she knows what she wants in her man...and she's tagged the bitch...because she holds her principles together and won't accept any undeserving man to mistreat or under-value her.

Single by Default: A woman who's been left single because she's failed to meet up certain criteria or standards in previous relationships (the dumped). She's the one who's constantly seeking validation and jumping from relationships to relationships 'hoping' to find the perfect man and ready to do just about anything to find him and keep him. She's tagged 'Miss Nice' because she the conformer who strives to please in every way.

Perhaps a man wants the 'SINGLE DEFAULT' woman...don't laugh! She the one who sells herself short simply because she wants the society to see she has her own man. She will make him feel better about his shortcomings, and possibly over compensate for them in any way that she can (plenty of sex, cook his meals, do his laundry, clean after him...the nine yards), she will submit just enough to keep him around, not because she loves him but because she's lonely...and loneliness can easily be confused with love...Abi what do you think? Yes ke! Her strength comes from his weakness and it won't benefit her to EMPOWER him in any meaningful way to reach his goals...believe me, I've observed enough of those types of relationships...they stay together for years...but her over-compensation is not enough to move him or the relationship forward.

And if by chance he reaches his goal, he will no longer need her, because there was never anything really special about her to begin with. She was convenient, she made him feel comfortable about his situation and overtime he grew complacent. She will dumb her brilliance just to make him feel more like a man, but after a while even that gets exhausting...And now the relationship feels like prison. They both aren't looking for better, yet they both are miserable together. Aha!!!

A man wants a woman to submit...Just as the bible advised right...err...wait a second! The bible asked wives to submit to their husbands...not girlfriends to their boyfriends...and please don't say that DATING is an opportunity to sample...Perhaps...True...Because the courting period is supposed to give both parties a chance to preview what's in store. But to sample is different from handing over the entire package free of charge. Here's my theory that the 'single by default' women are the ones overtly praising boyfriends and giving them the entire package...while a 'single by design' woman is the one who refuses to give to a 'friend' the 'benefits of a lover' and to a lover 'the benefits of a husband'...Sounds annoying right? Dang! The bitch!...But Hey, if he wants the bitch to submit...perhaps he should step up to the platform...and be a MAN deserving of full submission!

To submit means to 'YIELD'. It does not mean the man is the boss of her life...it simply means the woman is 'willing to give in'...and its a two way street. He can't ask her to yield if he's unwillingly himself to yield to his LOVE...the love that the same Bible also commanded. Still as a woman myself, there needs to be sense behind a man's leadership in order for me to invest my time.

I do believe a woman should know her role in a relationship, likewise a man too. If he doesn't know how to communicate to a woman, he will definitely draw her out. If he doesn't know how to cater to her, she won't want to cater to him. So don't be quick to judge a 'single by design' woman simply because her STANDARDS requires a man to put in some more effort.

A Single by design woman knows when a man has true SUBTANCE as opposed to the one who merely offers SUSPENSE...and she will only be willing to submit herself to the one who proves himself worthy. And a man with substance knows that a woman's willingness to submit is motivated by his ATTITUDE. His attitude towards people, work, leadership, money, time and relationships...and that it will have great influence over her decision to associate with him. He could easily be the richest most influential man in the world but if his poor attitude sucks, a woman of substance wouldn't give a hoot. But if a man were to show a woman who is single by design that he loves life, loves her deeply and loves God truly, she will follow him to the end of the earth...

So if a man WANTS the 'Single by design' woman... As a leader, it is his responsibility to 'introduce' love...it is his job to set the tone. If he wants her to go to his church, its his job to lead her there...if he wants her to cook, he needs to provide the tools to enable her prepare it. If he wants to do the talking or negotiating on her behalf, he needs to prove that there's power in his leadership skills. If he wants her to stop going out all the time, he needs to give her a reason to stay home...or invite her to do things as a couple. In the end, if a man really wants a 'Single By Design Woman' to submit, he must give her something substantial to submit to.

Have a Terrific Tuesday Lovelies! And oh feel free to share your thoughts and share this page with others if strikes a chord. Kisses!
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Monday, 27 January 2014

Don't be...The Coward!

Here I am this Inspiration Monday, thinking about a conversation I desperately need to have with my dear friend...as I now have my back against the wall and feel the deepest need to address some things, I had dreadfully avoided talking about... Simply because I was too 'afraid', to hurt this person....Actually, now that I think about it, I was just being a 'coward'. But I've realised 'running' away from tackling problems or addressing certain issues won't make IT go away. Infact it will borrow legs, upgrade itself straight to the 'front row' with the most fancy view...just chilling for you to grow some nerves to pay IT adequate attention. Yes! Running away never solved anything.

And sitting right there with absolutely no intention of seeking resolution, solves nothing either. In other words there are quite a number of significant characteristics we exhibit that is quite reminiscent of acute cowardice...and we have failed to realise just how much of it impacts our lives negatively. 

Here's a definition of a Coward.

COWARD: A person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain. Etc. A 'timid' or easily 'intimidated' person. 

You are a Big Coward if;

1. You talk bad behind others, things...You can't say to their face! (Gossip)

2. You're always scared to tell the truth. (Liar)

3. You fear to hear the truth. (Denial)

4. You are bloody scared of success or criticism. (Weak)

5. You are afraid to love...I mean really love 100%. (Detached)

6. You encourage others to love you, when you have no intentions of loving them back. (Heartless)

7. You have no commitment to anything. (Irresponsible)

8. You constantly run away from tackling problems head on. And give up at the first sign of challenge. (Lazy)

9.You won't apologise after hurting someone cos your ego is more important than your relationships. (Arrogant)

10. You only value people for what you can take off them. (User)

11. You would rather befriend/date/marry a 'less accomplished' person than you, so you can feel better about your poor achievements. (Insecure)

12. You are too proud/shy to ask for help even when you desperately need it. (Sensitive)

13.  You are scared to forward 'Alexandra's N'Her Naked Thoughts' because you are worried about other people's opinions. (Over-conscious) 

14. You live for yourself alone. You have no actual responsibility towards anyone. (Self-centered)

15. You are constantly living in 'Fear of the Unknown'. (Paranoid)

16. You can't say 'dot.com' on National TV because you are worried about your Oga at the Top. (Timid) Hahahah...well err...you can call it 'Hilarious'.

Seriously, If you can tick more than half of these. You really need to work on finding the COURAGE to exist with meaningful purpose...

And I know this because I've been 'The Coward' who worried too much about hurting others...and ended up hurting myself in the process many a times...

YOUR TURN...
In what ways have you been a coward and how do you intend to address it? Feel free to share your thoughts and drop your comments here. And please grow some #courage or spine, will you?!  

Have a Magnificent Monday Lovelies! Kisses!
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Saturday, 25 January 2014

You Are Awesome...Still!

Hello dear, I apologise my post is coming a little later than intended. I started my Saturday already mentally and physically exhausted from lack of sleep for the last 34 hours, dear me... plus my never-ending pile of chores and domestic responsibilities waiting for me to accomplish with speed. For some strange reason, I'm a little sour and grumpy...not feeling like my usual high-spirited self today.

Its not the pimple that crept upon my 'usually' flawless facial skin or the fact that cooking gas finished while trying to make breakfast for the team. Its not because my son Ray is being rather tempestous today or that my babysitter never ever remembers any major thing...

Its not because she succeeded in getting the living room connecting door jammed, locking us in...or that I tried to sneak in a little shut eye wink, but phone calls won't just let me be. Its not because PHCN (or whatever they call themselves now) have refused to give us electricity and I'm forced to produce my own power on generator still.

Usually when I feel sad, inadequate, frustrated, unloved, pressured, or just plain depressed and ill... I watch a video one of my closest friends 'Nthenya Ujiri' sent to me last year ...so I can always remind myself, that I'm awesome still. Well, there's love in sharing so I thought to share it with you indeed ...

Here it is below; Watch it...And remember, YOU too are AWESOME still! Feel free to share this page with as many FEMALES you know... or the MEN who 'appreciate' them, if you will...you might just re-inspire a broken soul and give them fire to win. Let's start an 'AWESOME FEST' Lovelies. Enjoy your weekend with Kisses from me!
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Friday, 24 January 2014

CHANGE... is what we need!

So I just got this phone...it was a gift from a special friend and I'm trying to meander my way through it...its somewhat complex. One year without a touch screen phone and I adjusted to the basic qwerty key pad...now what?! I feel like a fish out of water. Lord, I misssssss my old reliable BB Bold 5.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not being an ingrate. I had even 'moaned' and 'whinned' for this phone (get your minds out of the gutter... I meant that figuratively) hahahah! but I can't seem to wrap my mind around how I've wasted 48hours just trying to climatise to one piece of gadget that now has my work/social life electronically wrapped around it. Again I miss my old phone. I miss my traditional way of pinging...typing...and writing my pieces on the memo pad (Don't laugh joor).

SEE! This pretty stylish BB Zwhatever its called doesn't even have a regular memo pad. Aaaarggggh! I'm peeved. Infact I'm not even trying to celebrate my joining the league of 'Elite Smart Phones Users' (not that I'm the first...but then...sorry mum, I'm not washing the phone) Hahahah! Tongue out!!!

Now I'm sure many other people go through the exact same feeling of transition when change occurs in our lives. We seek out change, moan for it and desire it but when it does come...We are unable to embrace it because we are stuck in our old ways. We hold on to the very attachments we have formed in every way possible even if its imperative that we must move ahead into a new phase.

This is remiscent of how we behave when we experience change with Work, Property, Relationships, Love, Life or even Politics. We hold on tight to the things and ideology we are used to, even if its time to let it go, drop them and create room, so we can open ourselves to better things and a brand new experience.

Ever seen the heartbroken woman who wouldn't forge ahead or date someone else because she's still stuck on her ex-boyfriend who dumped her and wants him back by all means...even if its evident to all n' sundry that the relationship is a First class template for the term "Good Riddance"? Or the single one who will rather maintain sexual liason with her married ex because she's too afraid to be vulnerable with a new man? What's even there to lose? ...Jump in the famous "Law of Okafor" (once chopped, always chopped?) Ha!

Ever seen the man who wouldn't give out or sell his 34 year old 1979 'Knocked' Volkswagen Passat which hasn't left its parking spot in the last 15 years because...Wait a minute...The Car is Elizabeth, his first baby! The first piece of acquisition he bought with his first earnings (and please bro don't call it VINTAGE biko...the engine no even dey ladipo anymore) meanwhile he has 3 other brand new top of the range automobiles gracing his garrage...Abeg what say you na? or the man who likes to have sex in the same way, same positions, and even the same bloody place (just imagine he has knacked 50 women the same way, in the very same place) Taaaaa!!!

Or perhaps the community who wouldn't find the courage to change their Leaders even if its evident that their leaders are unwilling to acheive the progress that's beneficial to the community it claims to serve?! Instead they will rather sit by and hand over their future to certain political parties or political warlords because they are 'afraid' to go against the system.

Or the taxi driver who's been taking the same bad-road-by-pass for the last 5 years even if its apparent that there's a better route, maybe longer but still relatively better for the car and for timing as well. Or the person who is stuck on a particular brand of beer, liquor, cigarette or any product at all even if there's no actual basis to prove its 'superior' quality other than paid advertising and the person's preference based on 'habit'.

In other words, I have realised that humans are products of HABIT...and by that, it becomes rather difficult for us to embrace change as we ought to. We are worried about stepping out of our comfort zone or starting all over again a brand new process. We are 'afraid' of relying on the process of change even if it means missing out on the dividend s...because of the supposition that it may not end up better...(Perhaps the devil we know is better than the angel we do not know...He he he...) But I just learned that "Our life does not get better by chance, it only gets better by CHANGE..." CHANGE is constant in life...Yes...and...'constant' is what we NEED! (Tossing my tired old Bold 5 into the trash can) Lol.

Have a Fruitful Friday Lovelies...And Oh! Feel free to comment right here on this page and please share this page with your friends and frenemies if you liked it. Kisses!
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Thursday, 23 January 2014

Great Sex withr Bad Romance...

Is it a coincidence that I stumbled on a very familiar caption I read 6 months ago in a lifestyle magazine which read "Great sex or bad romance?" Hmm...well, perhaps for the sake of my friend (Van) who just experienced the worst shag of her existence. I will share an old piece of mine...mind... Yet again. Lol. I needed to define romance.

ROMANCE (definition): "An ardent emotional attachment between people i.e love or a mysterious 'fascination' or appeal towards something adventurous, heroic or strangely beautiful."

With that in mind...here it is;

I remembered a few weeks ago I was talking with some friends, and one nicely asked in a swift manner if a particular ex of mine was a good shag. Laughing and not knowing exactly how to explain to him, cause my brain was mentally trying to digest the idea of him comfortably listening to me sexually describe another man, our mutual friend. I honestly wasn't sure how to answer the question.

Why? Well, I remember a number of times I was err...holding a few screams back...That's a good sign right? Not that I care the size or length of a man's tool just as long as he can use it efficiently to create ripples of sensation. (Abi u disagree?) But I do think a lot of my physical desire for him was a result of my emotional attachment to him and generally with anyone I date. So the days he was warm, kind and generous...I was wet n' willing n' screaming and the days he was a total jerk. I was completely dry as patched wood. Believe me when I say a few glasses of wine was my little aphrodisiac to pump me some excitement where he really wasn't creating any during those jerk days.

Hence my theory that woman really do navigate sex from an emotional zone no matter how sexually random, brief or platonic the relationship is, and men need to start understanding that to please their women. All women don't use the same manual, and so men need not lick n'screw us the same way without consideration for what we may each like differently.

R kelly sang "I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump n grind" well I absolutely concur. But the problem is that we seem to be getting too much bump without any grind. And they keep acting like sex is the freak'n olympics. If women had to come out honestly to rate sex with their men, there's bound to be a lot of broken egos splattered around the country's soil. I wonder how many women can't wait for the men to get the hell off them or how many had to fake a climax or how many that will never experience an orgasm in a lifetime or the magic o's who cum from creating their own imagery regardless of whatever's going on physically within their bodies. Or those who need drugs or stimulants to make up for the man's inadequacy. Hmmm...I wonder.

So I do a flash back and remember sometimes sitting across him in a meeting, looking at him and geting an instant jolt of electric chills down my spine, and I could see it in his eyes as well. (Yes! The rush). Painfully getting through the day and hoping for time when we could be left alone so he could put some magic on me. Pheww, and there comes the downer. Don't get me wrong, strokes were right n all but something was always missing. I'm sweating profusely from trying every freak'n' position possible even though we know where it all ends up for him...On all fours. Not begging me to marry him. Just him selfishly working my insides for his shot at a climax. Lol. He may be sometimes nice and ask "how do you want it?" But the problem started way from the top.

There you have it, 45 minutes, one orgasm and the show is over. And we are there laying on our bellies disappointed and wanting something more, our soul definitely left craving. We may have a pretty smile dancing on our lips and a worn out look after going through pummeling for an hour... but the truth is that, more often than not we are just putting up appearances to protect your ego because we don't want to hurt you. And then we hear you say? Did you like it? Did you enjoy that? Ofcourse Darling, we did (but it was such a long ass quickie what happened to the foreplay?) Lol.

What happened to tongue kissing us till we go crazy? What happened to laying soft feathery kisses on our forehead, neck, nose, ears until we drip wet? Did you know stroking our bare backs drives some of us crazy as well as nippling our ears or sucking our toes? (Don't roll your eyes) What happened to telling us we are beautiful, hot and sexy and whispering all the sweet nothings in our ears till we whimper with ecstacy. Who says playing some cool Al green, Marvin Gaye, Baby face or Banky W is old fashioned and boring?

And please we don't have to wear the title of "girlfriend" or "wifey" for you to treat us like a lady. If we are worth taking to bed then we are worth some romance too. What happened to dinning us and giving us some awesome foot massage? Maybe you could cook up a storm or do something out of the box romantic. Don't worry we're not gonna fall in love with you if your values don't match ours, but we will always remenber you as the gentleman who offered A-class romp every single time.

You could read us a little poem that you wrote, or drive down 3 hours to pick us up or tag a paragraph in a book that sort of reminds you of us. How about you leave your blackberry phone alone and focus on us?! Its our night remember and while we're having dinner, you could stop sexting your ex girlfriend or that business partner you've been chasing for the last 2 months. We don't want our likes to get caught up in a mix up. We want to be your sole focus, atleast for now.

Tonight is the night or today is the day. But you have to start thinking of Sex as your Art and us as your Canvas. We don't want nobody drilling into us like you are about to dig a 9 inch hole inside us. We already have one, how about you fill it up nicely and make us whole. Don't let your finger nails scratch our clit like you about to tackle some itch. Or chew it like you are chewing on some bloody meat. How would you feel if we did the same to you? And gave you some nice deep bruise on your dick?

Darling you have all it takes to make us comfortable so we don't have to worry our boobs are small, flat, too big or our belly is hanging out after 3 kids. Make us crave for you like we do our favourite pudding and leave us coming back to you for more.

I don't know where men got the idea that to differentiate random sexual hook ups from a basic love affair they should take out the romance. Seriously man, the fact that you want to hit that pom-pom everytime means there's an attachment somewhere. SEX is the deepest form of intimacy two people can share, so if you don't want to be romantic with everyone you hit with, then maybe you shouldn't be sleeping with just anyone. Dear Studs, women have been pulling on you some silent stunts. You honestly can't have great sex with bad romance. Drop the fences and let all the fireworks out! - Have a Terrific Thursday Lovelies!
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Be Inspired!

Here's a little mood breaker. Be Inspired!!
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Wednesday, 22 January 2014

ALEX's TRUTH 1; Get Better Daily!

Hey Dear, here's 'Alex's Truth' for today. Permit me to share my thoughts with you...I hope it inspires something within you;

1) No one can live your life for you. It's up to you to know better, do better, and want better.

2) Embrace people who find ways to bring you JOY. Avoid people who only bring 'themselves'! You dig?!

3) Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. So don't sit still...Keep MOVING!

4) If you can't be with the 'one' you love...then LOVE the one you are with! In the end the one you are with, has chosen you over whatever circumstances. COMMITMENT and LOYALTY are way deeper characters than the spur of love.

5) Be THANKFUL for what you have; you'll end up having more... If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

6) Stop 'comparing' the success of your relationship to the success of others. Not everyone has the same goals....some want 'timeless love' and others want a 'free pass' during half time. Go figure!

7) Each and every one of us have flaws. Instead of looking for someone who's perfect, look for the one who is IMPERFECTLY 'perfect' for you!

8) Your past relationships were only a waste of time if you didn't learn anything from them. Did you learn something?

9) Remember, FRIENDSHIP is the key to a 'lifetime of romance'! Fall in love again and again with your friend...only your friend!

10) When two 'hearts' are MADE for each other, no distance is too far, no time is too long, no obstacle is too much and no other love can keep them apart! They will always find a way into each others arms!

11) If a person is intimidated by you, that's his/her problem, not yours. Keep your STANDARDS and always date on your level.

12) You will never have to chase a person who wants you. A person who wants you will pursue you and do everything in their power to stay RELEVANT in your life. Its that Simple!

13) The fact that someone was in your 'past' doesn't mean they have to make it back into your 'future', especially if they aren't making EFFORT to be o consistent value to your 'present'.

14) The 'opportunity' of a life time must be MAXIMISE within the life time of the opportunity. Every chance you get, don't waste it. It may the one, the only or even the last chance you get.

15) If you're looking for love, start first by holding up a mirror! Right there! SEE! You MUST find it within you first, before you can share it with someone special.

P.S; Stop looking for LOVE...Instead 'BE' love, then love will find you! Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!
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Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Penny Wise...Relationship Foolish!

Yesterday a good friend of mine I hadn't seen in a year plus showed up at mine, out of the blues... I was happy to see him even though he totally met me in my dishevelled state...(I was wearing slacks, a cardigan, sweat from slaving in the kitchen all morning, not a stitch of make up... And not even a bath too). Yes I was soaked in standard dirt... But see those who miss and care about you don't even notice those things.

Yes, OC (I'll keep his name short) showed up at mine with a friend of his Max and both nicely conspired to drag me somewhere around the neighbourhood for a drink. Well, I never hang out in the neighbourhood...infact I can't remember even hanging out anywhere at all in recent times except for those sparing moments when I have to wear my 'friendship' hat and duty calls... like Nina's Karaoke Thingy, Phemi's Bachelors Eve Shindig, or the other Femi's Birthday Mingling...You dig?! Let's not mention my failed attempt 2 weeks ago to see a movie with my friend Kay...hmm...an attempt in futility! Why? The Ikeja Mall was buzzing with Human traffic the size of Oshodi market, Tejuosho market, Aswani and Idumota market combined. Infact I was positive the Federal Government had deposited trailer loads of deported immigrants from other states. Heheheh! You should have seen the crowd. Any guy hustling for a babe is sure to pick up at least 3...Any babe hustling for a pick up, was sure to meet a guy to fulfill that need. It was a sight for sore eyes...and damn, my claustrophobic headlights were blinking, I was quietly choking being admist the crowd...(Afterall, there was not enough air to breathe since the crowd sucked in the little air available that hot sunny day).

Anyway this isn't about my misfortune during the new year celebration. Its about the breath of fresh air, OC and Max offered my poor unsocial soul. I begged to have a bath, perhaps a change of clothes, look like a human being, if not the starlet that I am. They were adamant and knew if they didn't drag me away immediately, I would come up with a very sufficient excuse to turn them down.

Well, I figured...you know what. Its just around the neighbourhood. What's the big deal? I could use a cold drink plus I hear Emeka is gonna be there as well...hmmm... So I hopped into the car, and we drove away. We got to the hang out spot and pulled out our table by the pool side. OC was gonna jump in for a little dip, there was one oyinbo (white) woman punishing her old sagged out skin under the hot sun reading a novel in the name of 'tanning'...And the three men with me had this theory that she's obviously the pun in some Nigerian guy's strategy...

Well the drinks roll in and I grab a bottle and a glass of Heineken (don't look at me...) I feed my threesome this theory I have that Heineken can substitute appropriately for water in a situation were drinking water is unvailable. Hence the argument of '33' being the labourers beer and Heineken premium beer, tripple filtered bla, bla, bla, (chei! see free advert o)...all the elements of advertising plus our opinions about it. Dang! How I've missed this...the round table beer parlour conversation...where people become passionate, philosophical and even somewhat intelligent. Oh yes! Beer does that! Hahahahah!

So I ask after a few old friends, we reminiscise about times past, discuss several series of issues, talked about my career, theirs, life and even relationships...but my biggest highpoint was the tale of one particular couple (both old friends of ours) who got divorced recently... And just how I never anticipated that could ever happen. They seemed the perfect couple. Dated for 10 years, married for 5 years...2 children and great jobs. They spent day and night...atleast almost every night together, if I remember. What could have gone wrong?

So Emeka came up with this theory that the man (Yomi) probably needed something else in his life...and regaled us with the tale of one particular incidence when they just got newly married. The lady (Ayo) was supposed to travel to Ibadan for a wedding and spend the entire weekend. Now Yomi was happy to have his wife, Ayo go out of town and had already arranged for his babe from Ife to come visiting. So he tells the guys that he's finally going to get a breather, some fresh juicy pom-pom...Ha! Badt guy...and ofcourse Emeka the principled friend advised him to book a hotel room for the girl, if at all he must cheat.

Mba...mba...mba! Trust Yomi na, he refused point blank. Why should he spend 10k for a room when his house is empty and madam will not be around till Sunday. A whole ten thousand naira, plus drinks, food and thank-you-for-coming. No way! That's too much of an investment for a man to get action from friday evening till sunday... So his wife Ayo goes to Ibadan on friday...girlfriend arrives friday evening, hangs with yomi and the guys over a few drinks and peppersoup and goes back home with him. Here, I shall leave friday night to your active imagination...Lol. Saturday morning, another one of Yomi's friends (Sola) stops over to do some ironing at his, (PHCN matter) ofcourse, doing his thing, minding his business and secretly wishing he was the one enjoying the freedom and benefits of one's wife being out of town...

Ofcourse no one was expecting Ayo until Sunday night...and his guy still has one more day to enjoy the taste of heaven...The thought hadn't even fested 5 minutes in his head, when he hears a click at the front door and in walks, Madam Ayo with her own keys in hand. Ha! Ye! Ha! Mo gbe! Ha! Not enough of that could come out of Sola's mouth as Yomi and the girlfriend rushed out of the bedroom to the living room to see what was amiss...there it was in full glory, His Wife Ayo standing there shocked to bones, seeing her half naked husband with a strange looking female wearing her clothes... All hell set loose... Its not what you think Ayo...Stop!...its not what you think...cries her husband Yomi...as Ayo pounces on the bitch wearing her clothes! Well, this is what I think...Cheating is an expensive investment. If you can't afford to pay the price, don't bother because one has to pay, one way or another... In this case, it was Penny Wise, Relationship Foolish! Or what do you think?

Have a Terrific Tuesday Lovelies!
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Monday, 20 January 2014

Eye The Agbalumo!!!

Its a slow day...and I'm trying to meander through my morning blues when I'm awaken by the beautiful sound of Stevie Wonder's "Superstitious" gracing me from my car stereo.

I stop over at my folks and then I walk in on my Dad (Chief as I playfully call him sometimes) fixated as always on his laptop and feasting on the super fruit of the season- The Almighty 'Agbalumo' or Cherry as some 'Ajebutters' (don't look at me ...hahahah) like to call it. So he graciously offers me some expecting my refusal. No way, its Agbalumo for petesake...when last did I have one?! So I gladly take two of them and chime "Thanks daddy".

I pick up the collection of news papers and go over to my sister's room to say a quick hello. There's Barbie (20) and Boo-Boo (26) as we fondly call Nkem (the siamese twin) having their lovers spat (if they both weren't my biological sisters, I would suspect them...those two, ha! too close... and always fighting)

Anyway, they are happy to see me and noticed I had the Agbalumo in my hands..."Wait Sis! Where did you get that? Didn't know you eat Agbalumo o"... Hian! See me see trouble o for Okoroji house. You mean a woman can't eat Agbalumo in peace without all this plenty comments? First Chief, now his daughter... I'll prove them wrong. Hehehe.

So Boo-Boo(Nkem) asks for one... No way I'm giving her a whole piece. We'll have to split it in half, afterall na me be visitor. Na me dem give agbalumo... Alright so I say to Barbie "Biko! Eye this Agbalumo for me..." Huh! She stares me blank...err...in shock. My 20 year old sister Barbie looks at me and says "What did you say Sis?" Then I replied her again "Eye the Bloody Agbalumo" the two of them burst into laughter making me feel a little uncomfortable...and then she asks why she needs to stare down my precious agbalumo...

Oh well, I've always been told if you do that or roll it for a bit in your palms, before breaking open, it would make it taste sweet...Right there comes another torrent of laughter. "Superstition sis! Superstition...And you believe it?" Well, I'm not sure if I believe but I still do it every time I eat one anyway. We start an open discussion about superstitious beliefs, just then my mother walks in, on a phone call and we hear her say to the person on the other end "No! Not monday abeg...you know I don't give out money on mondays" chei! roll in the laughter.

I remember that one, even the one of crossing over people's legs and giving birth to kids that look like them...or if you mistakenly poked someone with a broom while sweeping, you have to stump it on the floor several times. Or if you are cooking and put too much salt, throw salt over the lit burner. Ha! Yes I remember, my Mother is the Royal 'Queen' of superstitious beliefs...and her many tales never failed to crack us up.

Well its Superstitious Monday and I'll like to read tales of your own superstitious beliefs, if you have any. Feel free to share them here...And oh! Do me one favour please...Eye The Bloody Agbalumo!!! Have an Unbelievable Monday Lovelies! Muah!
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Sunday, 19 January 2014

Gay O'le Way!

So I heard our Reps passed a bill that is supposed to change our economy forever. Yikes, don't laugh! I'm serious. Well, I had no intentions of getting into the arguments as I assumed there will a band of cheerleaders screaming support for whatever team they believe in. Until I got several of those anti-gay messages making the rounds on facebook, bbm and whatsapp.

Some of them rather hilarious and others just plain silly...God didn't make Adam and Steve....Bla, bla bla...Oh! Chi'm! Funny the ways of my people. Lol. Anyway, I personally know God made Adam, Eve, Steve, Lucy and Everyone else they invite to their party. Hahahah!

Before I get on with my discombulated thoughts about the anti-gay bill passed by our mis-guided Senators. Let me start by stating categorically that I'm not Gay nor am I auditioning to be. Infact I love men way too much (hahahah...I mean that figuratively not literally) and I'm too straight an arrow to bend (okay I bend, but you know the team I play for, right?)

I'm quite bemused that the Senators of my Father-land believe that the most pressing issues to address is the sexual orientation of others. When we have myriads of Security issues, Political issues, Criminal issues, Infrastructural issues, let me not mention Creative issues with my beloved Entertainment Industry (Abeg where's our anti-piracy bill na?) We have all sorts of issues looming over us yet my senators are more concerned about something that really shouldn't be their business, especially since whatever political parties they are aligned with have no basic ideological principle it is founded on...and I'm yet to even figure out how a person's sexual orientation or preference affects the general economy or my standard of living.

I am not saying it is okay or not okay to be gay. Infact It is not my business if a man likes to play 'bend-over-and-touch-your-toes' so another man can drive his shaft into him. It is not my business if a woman likes another woman to go down on all fours eating her up like she's diabetic and digging for insulin. It is not my business, what other people do behind the four walls of their privacy...as long as they don't bring it to me and it doesn't affect me or my family. Its not even up to me to judge but God.

I also think not one single person alive is credible enough to make that judgement call on behalf of what ever good reason they can whisk up. By passing that bill they have infringed on some people's fundamental rights because freedom and liberty are fundamental human rights. How is it their place to decide who a person can sleep with or date? Isn't that why we have been blessed with common sense? What happened to freedom to choose?!

Some people are even blaming the western culture. How is this a sudden burst of cultural influence when Sodomy was existent even before the birth of Christ. They quote the bible and remind us that God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. Forgetting that we no longer live under the LAW but under GRACE... Isn't that why Jesus died for us? To give us salvation...And now they speak on behalf of our ever-forgiving God. How is this supposed sin bigger than the sin of they that loot taxpayers funds, dabble into occultic activities, marry several wives, have affairs n strings of illegitimate children, plant coups, lie to its citizen and steal from us? How is this different from the sin you and I (heterosexual) members of the society commit on a daily basis, if that's our argument?! Then sin is equal before God and the reward is a flat rate; HELL. I see sick, corrupt, mentally unstable heterosexual men and women suffering daily from delusion of grandeur...now, thank you senators for giving them one more reason to feel superior.


What does this bill hope to achieve? In my opinion NADA!!! What's likely to happen is that innocent unsuspecting citizens get harassed, abused and become victims of this law, while the real homosexuals go back into the closet and everyone starts living a double life playing pretend because the society has bullied them back in. Do you really want your sister, daughter to be married to a down-low-in-the-closet-homosexual? Or your brother/son to a lesbian-in-the closet all in the spirit of this bill?

A good friend of mine has refused to use our usual playful term of endearment for fear of being perceived as gay..."Ha Alex, I can't call you sweetie anymore o" we both laughed. But is it really funny that we now have the added responsibility of looking over our shoulders for fear of being wrongfully victimized? We don't have to support their choices, we don't have to accept it or get influenced and for those who do...well everything in this world is permissible but not everything is beneficial. We really can't tell young/grown adults that they have no right to make whatever choices they want for their lives.

Even as a mother to a 3 year toddler who's learning to be independent, I'm learning I can't enforce my choices on him, I can only guide him. So if our Senators have no serious issues to tend to in the round house. Can they please pass a bill that permits ME to shop for free? This present bill does nothing to solve my pending domestic issues. Have a Gay Ole Sunday Lovelies!
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The Truth Hurts...

Sometimes we have goals and desires that we expect will manifest in certain ways...And then boom! It doesn't! We go back to sleep, even try to alter our dreams, perhaps adjust them a little so they become realistic enough to achieve... Yet again, the boom!

It hurts, doesn't it? It hurts to know it may never happen the way we expect for it to happen. It hurts to find out your mightiest, most consistent effort isn't good enough and never will. Yes! It hurts.

It hurts to know the new boss will never favour you; oh please its way too soon. Your mother in-law will never like you; and she's not even about to die soon. Her father will never approve of you; wonders what she even sees in you. He will never love you; cos he's still waiting for his ex-boo.

John will never get that promotion; oh forget his silly devotion. Sarah may never have a child; not because she was way too wild. Cynthia may forever stay single; well the girl hardly ever mingles. Agbalumo will never come in june; even if it rains from here to the moon.

I have learned that the human heart seeks value in the 'Truth' and the truth will not change simply because we got offended. I also believe the 'Naked Truth' is far more liberating than the 'Best Dressed Lie'.

So don't hound yourself for things you cannot change, no matter how much it hurts you...Instead liberate yourself with it. The Truth hurts! It sure does...But accept it graciously for all its worth!

Have a Blessed Sunday lovelies! Kisses!
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Saturday, 18 January 2014

Sheer Ignorance or Pure Mockery!

I'm sitting over with a friend at her friend's dinner party, almost losing my mind from the playlist of wack music pilferring the air, spoiling my mood and wondering why the hell I'm even here, when I notice a certain man had been staring at me for over 20 minutes... then he finally walks over and I'm thinking this is gonna be good conversation... So he says " You look very familiar... have we met?". I do a quick once over trying to recollect and coming back to the conclusion that we have never met, as I have a fantastic picturesque memory.

So I say "I don't believe we have met sir. I would remember. Anyway My name is Alex" then he says "Alex?" (In shock ofcourse, about my very masculine name) "So what do you do, Alex?" Then I reply "I'm an Actor"... oh yes! Right there comes the familiar snuckle. So I'm thinking it would just be the regular "oh maybe that's where I know you" instead he corrects me "Actress you mean!"

Err...Forgive me but I always introduce myself as an Actor. (Don't look at my Bio...I've decided to compromise. I will write Actress but I will say Actor) For a moment you can see them having a mental battle as to how a beautiful woman like me can get so confused with the English language. Lol. Who cares? Not me! I'm a Female Actor...Where's the gender differentiation in Doctor, Lawyer, Banker, Pastor, Teacher, Driver etc Abeg free me joor. Lol. Then he goes in for the kill. "Where do you act? Nollywood? I've never seen your movies...though I hardly watch Nigerian movies.". Hmm...hold up a second I'm about to hit this man on the head with a cooking pistle. None in sight, so I reply calmly "Yes sir, Nollywood" but in my head I'm thinking... "No Jerk, Bollywood" and I'm about to tie an india sari and do a quick item number with Salman Khan just to prove it. Duh! Lol.

Here's what, I can't count the number of times this has happened to me or the number of other actors its probably happened to. I don't blame him for not recognising me. Afterall I'm just a Small Screen Actor. But then he says "what movies have you acted in. I haven't seen you before? Do you act with Genevive and Omotola?" Err...here's the thing... If I did, he wouldn't even know cos he doesn't watch Nigerian movies, remember? He nudges me on to tell him what movies... So I say, "Snake in a monkey shadow with RMD and Denzel Washington" (hahahah just totally made that up now). And he's impressed. Idiot. Chei!

There's a part of me that's almost rolling on the floor laughing and the other part is just peeved beyond measure. Is this sheer ignorance or plain mockery? Why?

I introduced myself as an Actor not a Movie Star? What's the difference? Quite a bit. Why is that one's public repetoire as an Actor in this country can only be tied to movies? For petesake what about the hundreds of theater/stage Actors and Television Actors we have in the country? Why aren't they getting their dues? We grew up watching stars from "Days of our lives, Santa Babara, Dallas, Sanford n sons, Mirror in the Sun, Village headmaster, New masquerade, Checkmate, Behind the clouds, Palace and all the funny sitcoms" and 90% of the Actors never made it to big screen yet still became stars in their own right and appreciated for their contribution towards entertaining us.

What's this fallacy that only movie stars are considered Actors, hence the new battle for people to step upon each other or throw away their principles just to make it to the big screen like on judgement day, God will only grant us access into heaven based on our CV's. Just like in the medical profession, whether you are a gynaecologist, paedatrician, cardiovascular surgeon, re-constructive surgeon, optrician, or a basic GP, you don't introduce yourself as a Doctor and I question the integrity of that just because I'm not registered at your hospital, you're not wearing a lab coat or you have never treated me before. Like-wise in my profession. There are Movie Actors, Television Actors, Theatre Actors and The Actors who combine them all.

I don't know who's to blame, is it the media that skews these personalities into a larger than life image or the branding gurus or just our basic poor orientation/understanding of the Arts or maybe we just think Television Actors are yet to earn their respect talent wise. Don't people understand the amount of skill, dedication, patience and professionalism that goes into theatre (stage acting) or maintaining a particular character over a long stretch of period on Television.

I am not a big movie star, I am yet to be challenged by any stretch of my deep imagination as an Actor, but I can darn well say as a Talent, I am no pussy and I have cut my teeth well in the Area of Television and even more ready for bigger things now. But with that being said. I can not dis-regard my early beginnings. I can not throw away my three weeks on that reality show...what is called again...Yes! AMBO or my 6 years of playing solid characters in 9 of the best quality soap opera's of modern times in this country. I can't throw away my theatre upbringing, I can't throw away the two not-so-good movies I'm ashamed of, or the 5 that may have been a little above average and didn't hit box office because of whatever reason, not mine (abeg blame producer o) or the 3 other spectacular movies that are yet to be released. Irrespective of whether I become an A list 'Movie' star tomorrow saturating silver screen, people still forget that 70% of the movie stars in Nollywood started their careers from Television.

Why don't we have Award ceremonies celebrating Stage/Television Productions, Crew and Actors like our counterparts in Bollywood the Zee Tv Awards, Gold Rishtey, and its likes or in Hollywood, the SAG awards (Screen Actors Guild) or the Golden Globes that celebrates both Television and movie actors/productions? You mean Tina Mba (Super Story), Taiwo Ajayi Lycett, Carol King (Edge of Paradise), Juliet ibe (Us), Victor Olaotan (Tinsel), Akin Lewis (Spider), John Njamah (Fuji House of Commotion), Jude Orhoha (Fuji House of Commotion), and the many likes of Great Actors who have concentrated on doing Stage and Television will never get appreciated in recent times unless they receive an award from their old boys/old girls association or Ama-mata? Or can anyone claim, that they aren't super Talented Actors because they aren't huge movie stars? I acknowledge the void Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards (AMVCA) is filling and I give them kudos...or even TAVA, still 3 or 4 categories thrusted is not enough for the ever growing Television Industry. Hmm... Still, we need to realise that there are lots of under ground talented working Actors who give their sweat and blood daily to interprete their roles regardless of the fact that they aren't household names because not every Actor is lucky to be received as a celebrity and being a celebrity sometimes is based on one's social circle and exposure not necessary talent. Even though some are fortunate to tie both very well, some others, mere celebrities without much talent really.

So to have people like Mr-I-know-you-somewhere constantly quiz one about one's career without giving the person a chance to sort of validate oneself, because in that very instant, they may not have matched the image they have of what An Actor should be... is somewhat annoying and bordering on mockery.

We have short films, feature films, Tv-movies, Soap opera's, Sit-coms and Radio Drama's and in my opinion anyone who re-enacts a character on any of these platforms and gets paid for it in money (or kind hahahah) is an Actor. Many a times I have heard a few persons refer to someone as a hungry actor or a 'wanna be'. Please which Actor isn't hungry or a wanna be?...and I don't mean that in a derogatory way. 98% of the time we're on set/location, we are trying to be someone else for your own entertainment and then we have to listen to silly people make derogatory comments like that. Anyway on behalf of the many who sit at the National Theatre everyday in lagos waiting for a breakthrough... or those constantly up and about auditions after auditions and may not be lucky enough to grace the cover of magazines, or have the juicy details of their private lives splattered all over newspapers or even the established few who may never earn endorsement deals...Are not any less an Actor...So how you treat them is the real reflection of the regard or dis-regard you have for our profession, entertainment value and its representatives at large whether celebrated or not. Stop being ignorant or damn you! Wink! Have an Awesome Weekend Lovelies!
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Friday, 17 January 2014

It's Here Finally!

Hello Lovelies! Its strange how coincidentally this day one year ago, started my incessant love affair with a new way of expression, my writing.

I wasn't going to write my usual screen plays or songs or poetry or even content for television. No! I was just going to share my intimate private thoughts, however they came to me, genuine, raw, raunchy, funny, stoic, intelligent or even silly... I just wanted people to get an insight into how my picturesque mind processes things.

I wanted my naked thoughts to not only be fun or interesting, but to inspire everyone who came in contact with a piece...Yes! A wtitten piece that signifies a piece of my over-active mind. So I tested the waters, about to lose my literary virginity...who else could I be vulnerable with but my closest family, friends and allys on facebook, bbm and whatsapp...

And for a year I stimulated, tickled and screwed their minds with my many pieces. I even poked a little, provoked a little and irritated a few with my constant broadcasts...but my satisfaction came from the very many I was constantly able to engage and fulfill their wanton desire for inspiration and growth.

And in the process of inspiring them, they have also inspired me to go all out and spread open... (not my legs please) hahahah... but my wealth of imagination and the gospel of consciousness. I have procastinated by and by...and found many excuses why I haven't found the time to take it up a notch admist the many encouragement to set up a blog, write a book, news paper columns etc.

But today January 17, a dear friend of mine, Julian not only tried to inspire me to expand my audience, after reading my TRUTH for today. He challenged me to set up my blog this very moment. No more stories!

So me not wanting to be the hypocrite who only inspires others diligently to take the first step towards progress and can't even motivate myself to crawl. Lol. Here it is standing... With two legs finally ready to run, my blog "Alexandra N'Her Naked Thoughts!". I will share my personal opinion or thoughts on random subjects be it Love, Sex, Relationships, Life, Politics, the Economy, or Religion... Anything and Everything as long as it crosses my mind. No Censor! Permit me to exercise my creative liberty. Heheheh!

So please feel free to comment if it provokes a thought or share if it strikes a chord...but don't smear, we all are one, living in accord. Remember Love is my Religion. I am not ashamed to love God and love others. Love is a Truth. It is a Command, a Neccessary way to exist. Don't just show love. Be love! Hopefully you all will walk with me through the streets of conscious living and maintain a stealth presence of mind. Thanks Julian for being my inspiration today. I've always known there was something symbiotic about this friendship. I appreciate the challenge with all my heart. Hope I made you proud finally?! Aaaarggh! Hugz!
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