Thursday, 27 February 2014

Funny Pix: Six Packs, Lean Muscles And The Jiggles...

Its Another Funny-Pix Thursday. And Err...Yes, The 'mofo' should have trained. Duh! Even though something tells me this is supposed to be a body building contest. I can't help wondering if its a contest for "Who's got the largest package". I mean, why are they all so short and hungry looking? What happened to the usual flexing of over-charged 'muscles' that body builders are famous for? Lol. Did someone forget to toss them some full cream milk, meat or egg whites?...Ha! Let's just call it "Six packs, Lean muscles and the Jiggles"...Hahaha!

Can't you see No.70 who looks like burnt 'toast' with his number tag on his 'crotch'...same with everyone behind...and err...the 4 feet version of Matthew McConaughey in black thongs striking his sexiest pose whilst Mr Blue and Red panties are obviously intimidated by another well-hung and their vain insecurities! Shio!!!

Now, No.72...You really have to be kidding me. Guy, where the hell is your brain and your google map? Don't you see, you are lost in the wrong set up eh? Yes, I applaud you for your bravery... still you are hereby fined to a 3 count charge against you for;

1) Optical obstruction of penile code.
2) Tan-less presentation of self.
3) And 'one-pack' of no esteem.

Remember to show up to court with your man-boobs, six-packs and err...sorry, your dildo for penile support (cos there's no hope for you down there). Hahahah.

Signed by District Attorney For Men Affairs. Winks. Have An Awesome Throw-Back Thursday Lovelies. Kisses!
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Wednesday, 26 February 2014

My Crack On The Relationship Code!

I have seen a few young couples that have either been dating for 6-10 years or are even married that long...Who can swear down, that they love their partners or spouses...yet they don't know much about them. It makes me want to ask sometimes, "Do you LOVE them, more than you actually KNOW them?" Seems like an odd question, right? You'll understand when I share my epiphany.

Before you question the credibility of my current epiphany though. Let me first share a few things you don't know about me. I started reading at the age of 3, started working for my mom at the age of 11, I scribbled my first mini high school novel at 14, at some point I was promoted to sales supervisor at 18 aptly managing 22 other staffs (all much older than me), I tried to combine work and school, I learned how to drive a car in just 3 days by getting on the express road with danfo buses and bikes, I learned how to make chinese from secretly watching a male friend cook once for his guests, I taught myself how to bake, I found out how to set up and design a blog all by myself using a phone...I even learned how to break my own heart amongst many things...hahahah. Okay, I'm not trying to show off my silly mini accomplishments... All I'm saying in a nut shell is that I'm not a lazy learner and I've had my fair share of experiences to teach me a few lessons...and I only needed 6 months to truly burst the 'marriage bubble' and understand its myths...and a few years later crack the code!

When I ask if you love someone more than you know them...I'm not referring to whether you know his favourite food, her favourite colour, whether he likes to be called 'daddy' when he's spanking your ass, how many guys she's dry humped or bumped, if he was born an atheist, whether she suffered growing up as a child or if he was captain of his college football team. Lol. No!! I mean the real serious issues that plaques every real relationship and jeopardises 'growth' if not put in FOCUS.

Do you know what his or her Vision and Dreams are? Do you know their long term goals and short term goals? Do you know what their limitations and fears are? Do you know exactly what they are capable of doing or not doing to achieve their desires? Are you in full support of their dreams or are you the one holding them back from becoming an Achiever? Are they capable of manipulating or abusing your love or their power? Do you both have genuine common interests? Is he or she a mental time-bomb just waiting to happen? Are they violent, suicidal, obsessed or have any form of spiritual issues, health issues, insecurities or it sex, drugs, alcohol, porn, food or even a shopping addiction? Wonder why she puts on weight every time she fights with you? Or why he won't stop humping every pinky in skirts even after swearing he'll never cheat on you...why your credit/debit card is always red once you give it to her for a little treat or why he loves to stop by every day at that famous pub to make love to his 'HEINEKEN and GULDER' instead of spending time with you and the kids?

I can bet half of the world's population in any sort of romantic relationship rarely ask themselves these or even care to know. We focus so much on the butterflies in our stomach, the sweet phony love-tales, how the relationship affects our social status and how many of our friends or relatives are in support of the union.... Perhaps a bit of in-depth knowledge of your partner will help determine what exactly he or she will bring into the relationship/marriage and what you need to bring in as well to fully complement it. This relationship EPIPHANY hit me like an electric surge going off in my head...whilst trying to give my married friend the best little relationship advice imperfect me could conjure... And oh, you may thank me for it later.

Ever wondered why there are lots of break-ups, separation and divorce all over the world (Now, I would know right? Being a graduate of that particular institution...Hahahah). I think its probably because, "People tend to CHOOSE the most 'likely' person they can live with (TOLERATE)... Instead of choosing the most 'likely' person they CAN'T live WITHOUT (NEED)." Noticed I used the words 'most likely' simply because its not rocket science...Think about it, why will you fight to stay with someone you simply tolerate...or why choose to 'stay' with someone who let's you be COMPLACENT or someone whose absence won't really upset the equilibrium or balance of your life (except your ego of course...) because of their 'minimal' value?!

Few people LOVE based on VALUE, while most people love based on compatibility, temperament and sometimes even 'compromise'....And chances are if you run a compatibility test amongst your circle for may find 5 possible candidates for you with the right temperament and all. And that's not to say these aren't important. But apart from CHARACTER nothing could be more important than the 'Value' one brings into a relationship (or partnership as I'll like to think of it) based on your own individual and collective NEEDS. Do a 'value' test on the same possible candidates and see if even one person makes it through. Aha! Why not? Well...Its simply impossible for someone to successfully and consistently add value to your life, if they truly don't know you well enough to know what you want or at least what you need.

A simple example: Those who love God, why do we love him? Maybe its mostly because we NEED him in our lives and we APPRECIATE the value that he brings to us, not necessarily because we are anything like him or even generically compatible with him in his infinite AWESOME-NESS. Still he is miraculously able to fulfill each of our numerous and diverse desires and needs...Why? Because he 'knows' each and every one of us, like there was only one of us. Now tell me why we wouldn't love him? I mean, just imagine your life without the PRESENCE of God in it...Huh? Well, I can't. Exactly!!! So its possible to fall out of love with someone you want...but its almost impossible to grow out of love with the 'person' you value and still NEED. Isn't that why some people still stay in certain marriages/relationships even after their partners have hurt them severally...because they are holding on to the value their partner represents...and those who leave, do so because the figure they have nothing 'concrete' to lose. Now maybe thats the approach we should take in choosing that SPECIAL someone...

What do they bring into the relationship or marriage other than their cute itsy-bitsy-size-8-self or the 6-pack-muscles and 9-inches of hard steel down below. Okay, so she knows every sex position and has read karma-sutra front to back, back to front...Ehen! He is an orphan who needs love or she is the presidents daughter, ni gba ye nko? He is a celebrity, she's a celebrity...what has that got to do with the prize of fish in the market? Lol. What value do they add to your life, that if they leave or God forbid, something ever happened to them...your world would crash so bad because they've become your anchor, your life support in the truest of ways.

I don't mean the kind of 'crash' that keeps you beating up yourself for not breaking up with him first...or why your ego is badly bruised because she's the only woman who ever dared to dump you and replace you with ignominy. I mean the kind of crash that keeps you appreciating the unique values that stand out cause you can't find it in someone else. That thing that clearly puts the spotlight on him or her and keeps you on your toes from doing anything to SABOTAGE the relationship you have.

Because if you can honestly picture your life 'without' the person you claim to LOVE the MOST, and still see yourself making all sorts of PROGRESS, without it being much of their imput...or can see yourself coping favourably without them, then maybe its a tell-tale SIGN that when shit suddenly hits the fan, there would be nothing tangible to fight for.

I am a living example of that TRUTH. So I ask you again, Do you love them, more than you know them? Feel free to share your thoughts. Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!
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Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Alex's Truth 3: Go Gunz Blazing!

Hello Lovelies, how are you today? I'm still under recovery, but trust my 'restless spirit' (as a dear friend referred to me) to try stay connected with you. If you are on my BBM and WhatsApp contacts list. Chances are, I've shared with you some of my 'TRUTHS' before...and you may have well forgotten. Well, in here I've labeled them Alex's Daily Boost to help inspire you. Here's my Truth for today. Hope it picks you up;

1) You must be willing to SACRIFICE something for that which you are willing to become. What are you willing to sacrifice? THINK!

2) You can't 'change' people and you shouldn't try; either you accept who they are... or simply START living 'without' them.

3) I have learned that 'Communication' is key, and like most of the things in the world, it's tricky - there are ways and time for not saying... and for saying certain things. Don't miss your TIMING!

4) The ones who find happiness are the ones who DON'T make excuses. If it's broken they FiX IT, if it's wrong they make it RIGHT.

5) Wherever you 'invest' your LOVE, you invest your LIFE….Always remember that!

6) Do you 'love' them...more than you 'KNOW' them? Ask yourself again and might be dangerous!

7) When you finally find 'food', don't forget to eat with the people you starved with.

8) Sometimes we don't 'realize' how much we CARE about someone until they truly stop caring about us. SHAME!

9) 'Money' brings the woman you WANT and 'Struggle' brings the woman you NEED... 'Sex' brings the man you WANT. 'Value' brings the man you NEED.

10) You can't force someone to love you or even like you, but if you live your life RIGHT... one day they will realize what they lost.

11) Don't expect 'positive' things to occur in your life if you SURROUND yourself with 'negative' people.

12) You want control of your life? Then never let your FEAR decide your future.

13) The best way to MOVE forward is to 'let go' of the things that are holding you back.

14) You never have to wait until tomorrow to take the most important step - the FIRST step.

15) Ehen! Don’t PUSH away, the people who truly care about you... because one day, you will push them so hard, so far...that they won’t ever come back.

16) It's not the life you 'choose', but it's the life you LIVE... It's not what you've 'got', but it's what you GIVE.

17) All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t 'value' you is actually a GAIN. Yes ke!

18) The people you will always REMEMBER are the ones who made you feel 'loved' when you weren't at your most loveable state.

19) To find HAPPINESS, you need to find 'something' to hold on to, SOMEONE to 'motivate' you, and something to...err...Yes...'inspire' you.

20) Know that 'something' truly BEAUTIFUL manifests, when we start paying genuine ATTENTION to one another.

21) The most precious moment is not when you say 'I LOVE YOU'. But it is when you hear that person sincerely reply 'I LOVE YOU TOO'. Hahahah...I know, yeah!

22) One big 'mistake' you can make in life, is being too afraid to make a MISTAKE. My friend, are you supposed to learn eh?

23) The Art of being 'wise' is, knowing WHO to ignore, WHAT to overlook, WHERE to leave things, WHEN to move on & WHY its all very necessary!

24) Remember, to play IT too 'safe' is one of the 'riskiest' choices you can ever make in life. So go all out, gunz blazing!! Or what do you think?

Have a Terrific Tuesday Lovelies! And oh! I love you! Kisses!
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Monday, 24 February 2014

Multiply....Or Be Disqualified!

Hey Lovelies, I know its Monday and I'm supposed to post my video diary for today. And whilst I had the perfect subject to share with you...I've been on lock down. Yes, I've been quite ill over the weekend. My Tonsilitis is back again and rather advanced...So whilst I can write, I may not be able to speak much till I'm done with my medication and feel better (or the other option would be to record a SILENT video) Hahahah. Anyway, I decided for my nice new friend "Whyte-Angel" who didn't get to hear all of it that night. I shall share with you, the PIECE that got booed off the stage. Please let me know if you think it should have gotten a LISTENING CHANCE...Lol. Here it is:

"I was talking to my close friend, Tinkerbell. Hahahah. Who names their child that! Well she is going to kill me for referring to her by the new pet name a crush gave her. Anyway, this is about my conversation with her concerning a new desire. Wait! My friend wanted to know if it was a good idea for her to get Artificial INSERMINATION. Whaaaaat?!! Seriously, that is usually a second option for women who've tried conceiving naturally without success. Wondering what would make a young beautiful woman to consider this method of conceiving a child, a first option? Well there are several reasons and its all tied to MEN!!! Isn't it nice that we can go some place, get SPERM in a cup and choose what RACE we want for our babies. In Tinkerbell's exact words. "I want a mixed race baby. Make that Half Latino-German-Brad Pitt-Somalian type". Hahahah. Well, allow me to cast my hopes not too high. I would simply just like a cocktail of all my EXES. It would be nice to pour them all in a cup and drink...ewww! But you know what I mean. Think about it, that awesome combination of all our exes best qualities ROLLED in one sperm and when that child grows up and says "mummy tell me about my father". We can just say "honey, your father is the most PERFECT man ever designed" and we won't be lying. Pheww! Its funny how men always think they are the only ones scared of 'baby mama' DRAMA...News flash! We are also scared of the 'baby daddy' drama too! In fact more scared than you can ever be. We have to put up with giving you the good news and watching you screw up your face like you just smelled baby poop, whilst we are still trying to come to terms with reality and the impending nine months journey down morning sickness, prenatal pills, fatigue, lower back pain, mood swings and drastic weight gain.

You think you are the only ones PARANOID about income and starting a family with someone from a dysfunctional family! Err...We worry about that too...Add having to pick baby names, decide which one of your crazy friends will be 'god parents' and hoping the child doesn't come out with a HEAD as big as yours. We are wondering if you will understand when we have mood swings, leak a FART when we laugh at your jokes, harass you for AMALA in the middle of the night, beg you to RUB down our feet, turn SEX down cos your baby is 'cramping' our style like hell, or if you'll still find us ATTRACTIVE when the bun is out and we are yet unable to burn that extra jiggly piece of FAT we acquired! We worry pass you. Let's not add stretch marks and your mother trying to impose that ugly choice of baby names on us, choose the hospital we should deliver in or the doctor who should stick his slimy HANDS between our thighs... Don't think it doesn't cross our minds that you may not be the 'right' one for us or that you fear you may not be FATHER material. We also have those fears too honey, considering we weren't born with a MANUAL on motherhood shoved in our COOCHIE. We just learn on the job. So why stress us with your "ooh-aah-no-can-do". No man ever died from becoming a father. We have to hear you say, "its not the right time, its not a good idea, you are not ready, we should wait a while or another bloody baby?" Kai! Na your bodi? Lol. Either way, it takes a toll on us. Some of us might be lucky to CONVINCE you that we can make this journey together through this desire of ours. Others may just put their foot down till you come around...and some might just take the high road...BLACKMAIL you or MANIPULATE you into agreeing...meanwhile there's the unlucky selfless ones who might have to commit a few murder aborting the pregnancies against their wish.

So even if you are jumping at the great news, rub our backs through the nine months course, go through the delivery and change a few diapers...How do we guarantee that ten years down the line, when your LOVE has faded and we have somehow unknowingly grown apart...You won't get up, run away with a new woman, leaving us deflated and alone to raise our kids by ourselves whilst you are making our lives MISERABLE with custody battles. Huh? How do we know you won't try to convince your family and the court that this new woman you have known a day would be a better mother to our own children even though we have done nothing but toil day and night trying to give our children the best. Well, I say pick a 'Ghanaian or Indian' man...that way, if they run away. You know you can always keep the child na. Its called Motherland theory! Yes ke! We have to FORNICATE if we are not married, tolerate you constantly poking us DOGGY style when all we want is to spoon you or at least be on top and have you enjoy us riding you for a change. Let's not talk about how you are able to get us pregnant FOUR times when you've only spent 20minutes inside us altogether in the four years we have been married. Lol. Talk about hard labour, no FOREPLAY, you are driving our seemingly dry patched wood for 45mins and then you CUM crying like a new born baby taking your sovernir in that little plastic bag you call a CONDOM, away with you. Dang!

Please don't blame the women's liberation movement or women empowerment programmes. You are to blame! And honestly the little VALUE we have for you is almost diminishing. We needed you for only 'two things', good SEX and to bear BABIES...and here you are making shakara hoarding your sperm. Yes we no say country hard. Don't you know we now have vibrators, dildos, electric tooth brushes and 100 reasons why it makes more sense to just buy sperm from the sperm banks? So what do we really NEED you for? We work and we earn a living, we cook our own food and can do our own LAUNDRY, in fact our girlfriends are the new 'husbands'. We can sit all evening watching "Gossip Girl" or "Real house wives of Atlanta" while trading deep SECRETS...things we really can't do with you anyway. So the way we see it, you need us more than we need you. Tell us, what are you going to do with all that sperm eh? You either have to put it in us or shoot it out to way or the other you have to get it out there. Would you rather find out your sperm ended up in malaysia or china...or 30 years down the road, that IT somehow fathered a child with an Afghanistan woman you never knew? Hian! You better not give us a reason to choose the cup option o. Grab that beautiful woman yearning to have a part of you, make mad love, put a BUN in her oven and do all you can to make her happy. Afterall the bible says "All ye go multiply!" Multiply or be disqualified! Wink!"

Have A Magnificent Monday Lovelies! Oh no! No Kisses Today (Don't want to Infect you with my tonsilitis...Lol) Alright! Hugz!
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Sunday, 23 February 2014

Let Love... Love You!

Stop settling for less-than-a-man, half-of-a-woman, somebody-else's-man or woman... or whatever you want to call them.

You don't have to lay on your back to get a man. You don't have to compete with another man to keep your woman .

You don't have to turn yourself into bait to catch a mate, or let this maze turn to hate.

We need women who refuse to settle for half-a-man while competing with other women for him. We need men who can tell the difference between a-no-good woman and the no-non-sense-woman he truly needs. We need women who will be the 'back bone' not the 'floor mat'....and men who will be loyal no matter what.

You can't make someone love you, no matter how you try. If they don't KNOW real love, they won't SHOW real love. Even when you give them your love, their self HATE may not allow them to 'reciprocate'. Be OKAY with WALKING away.

Money and Muscles don't make a man. Breasts and Buttocks don't make a woman. Let a person's CHARACTER be their will tell you exactly what they are worth, honestly.

Don't settle for career dating by allowing the person to keep you as one of many. If they can't step up in your life...then let them keep stepping.

Love is not just a four letter word. It is a four letter VERB. An action word! Don't just give love...Allow Love. Even if you don't have anyone else. You have yourself. Love starts with you. So let Love...Love You!

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday Lovelies! Muah - Alex
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Booed Off The Stage!

I'll start by indicating that there was no actual stage at this event...but it doesn't water down the effect of being shoo(ed) like a fly in the middle of a performance. Okay here's my account of what happened to me yesterday at the NOMORELOSS RELOADED gini gini... I had been invited to attend his event...and trust my business man friend to throw what looked like a chunky BONE at me the hungry dog. Hahahah. He was offering me a chance to network my blog and perhaps read some of my thoughts for the guests.

Trust this igbo girl to jump at the chance...ofcourse, I have always wanted to do recitals but more so it will be a chance to promote my Art as well as the blog. Ngwa nu...My mind did some advanced azonto and We 'mentally' shook hands on it. I quickly went through my archive looking for the perfect piece...Aha! I found it...I even sent invite to special friends and fans on FB.

Anyway, fast forward...I show up at the Brown's cafe...and firstly, all I'm thinking is... Whaaat? the place is bloody small and absolutely wrong for such an event...err but ofcourse I dare not say it to anyone. It was just a private Tet-a-tete with myself. I see the host performing, right after some other guy did his guitar magic (oh I actually liked him...even though I didn't miss the fact that the crowd couldn't be 'bothered' about this rather talented soul singer)...Ehen! My Antennas went up...First warning bell...Ding Dong! How many times did Oga Nomoreloss have to beg the crowd to clap. I mean, common na! See people bursting their behinds to entertain them...Ehen kini? So I had met the host and told him, I wanted to leave soon...Why? Well, I had very sore tonsils and a bad toothache...Let's not add the part where I felt out of place. Lol. I mean I spotted one, two, three...okay make it 7 familiar faces. And err...the rest...hmm...(no be me go tell you who wear dorti dross oh) Well I felt like a 'sorority' queen in the room full of 'quirkies'...and not in a good way.

Three guys go up front, and grab the mic, one of which was Omobaba the comedian...okay, no disrespect. I know of him in passing simply because its important for me to kinda know those within the Entertainment industry by name...but I never hear one joke before. No lie! I'm pretty much a novice when it comes down to fingering Nigerian comedians and footballers (get your minds out the gutter please. I meant 'pointing' out) Ehen...except for the few who are personal friends. Anyway, they start to prank on stage and do a medley of nursery rhymes...(For someone like me, who doesn't go to comedy shows...I can swear I've seen this act before somewhere joor). Anyway, someone goes up does a fuji version of yoruba nursery rhymes and the house goes AGOG. Yes oh! The crowd finally woke up from slumber...You'll think Michael Jackson came back from the dead for that final show "THIS IS IT!"...well, the silly pranking went on for about 45 minutes...and 95% of it was in yoruba.

I was innately grateful to my parents for giving birth to me in LAGOS or for my 2 years in Federal Government Girls College Akure and the small shakara yoruba my tomato seller uses to communicate to me...or how I for understand the madness going on here, eh? Anyway, my instincts kept tugging at I sat quietly. Warning Bell, No 2! Now irritated at how long the pranking had dragged on for, as another young comedian grabbed the mic and went on his private wander at our expense...Now! I was highly irritated but as a self-respecting audience, there was no way I could join the choir clearly singing a loud protest at him to leave the mic. Ha! This is simply rude and uncouth na. At least, allow the person to fool himself finish or just walk away. But don't curse him off stage. Warning Bell, No 3! That's the exact point, I felt like the Host a.k.a Mc no longer had any control on his event. It was all 'rofo-rofo'...a free-for-all sort of market. Anyway, dem boo the guy comot for stage sha...there and then, I knew it was a bad idea for anyone to even try to compete with the 'ATMOSPHERE' the pranking trio had set...before I could even finish analysing my thoughts...BOOM! Nomoreloss announces my name...oh! Let's not talk about the shoddy intro...where I'm his fellow blogger as we are now all blogging because of hunger... Lol. Err...Dude, the only thing I'm hungry for is SUCCESS and I didn't hear an intro that even remotely resembled the letter 'S'...or is it the part where he screws up the name of my blog...he says its called "Naked Thoughts"...Err again, its not! What happened to the part where "Alexandra" was... N'... her naked thoughts? Do you get it now?! Hahahah.

So ofcourse, the lecherous old men and sex starved women there started cooing. "Naked? As in Naked?...Is she really Naked?" Okay...thank God for this opportunity, I can now correct this blasphemy, once and for all. Please and please my people, don't ever picture me strutting down towards you in a sheer two piece bikini with 8 inches heels and a whip, with my voice purring some half baked sexy thoughts to turn you on. MBA!!! That's not what my naked thoughts are about? I say NAKED as in "Bare, Transparent, Open, Revealing, Sincere and Honest" Thoughts....not naked as in 'raunchy'...Now, if it somehow comes of as raunchy, then its because its the honest revealing way in which the subject comes to my mind. Get it now?! Corrrrrrect!!!

So I introduce myself to the rather unfriendly crowd...oh! I haven't even started reading and the jabs were coming...there was noise and rancor and I couldn't even hear myself speak...imagine trying to read 'poetry' or 'spoken words' to the traders at idumota or alaba. Don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to call them crass or razz...or bush... But their attention span is that of the average 2 year old toddler. Some of them already high on henessy and whatever other brand of alcohol they had stuffed themselves with...They needed more comedy, more laughter and the host invited this 'intellectual naked woman' with no 'sexy' going on to come and speak english...abeg shooo!! Infact the two ladies on the first table kept going on about how my piece was two serious? Hmmm! I needed to lighten up...wait o! I have only read two lines...and you already know that? Infact, when has Alex ever written anything that was too serious? If only they had shut their kwe-kwe mouth long enough to listen, they might have learned a thing or two...

Now I almost walked off the 'proverbial' stage...but as a professional, I kept my STILL and kept reading...silently wishing I was wearing my 8 I could knock the heels on their heads. Yes o! Na small remain before I comot bra and pant for that silly man on the right...Hian! "Be more sexy na" ...See his kpomo mouth! Olodo! "Make us laugh na. Its too dry" Err...Nna biko chere kwa! I si na'm dry kwa? Chai!...Where is my bag of pure water. Let me stone this bush people. See me standing here like "point and kill" for their benefit...and they are talking rubbish. Jeez! I'm not a comedian. I'm not here to even make you laugh...I'm here to make you THINK!! To provoke your how people miss the "THOUGHTS" in my brand name and focus on just the "NAKED" beats me every time. Lol. if I communicate 'honestly' and make you laugh in the process...That one na jara o!

Anyway, I spot Soultry singer 'Mor' trying to calm them down to even listen to me...Hahahah. How na? Poor lady. She wanted them to hear what she gets to read everyday on this blog...but even that was exercise in futility. Thanks MOR, I noticed! Thanks for trying to help. I appreciate it. Anyway, I realised there was no point wasting my beautiful intellectual piece on a bunch of tipsy people. I was simply in the wrong place. Now, let me be a little sweet and make a small excuse for this crowd...Its the Host's fault...You don't arrange something as intellectual as my 'thoughts' to go right after the fuji akpala comedians jesting. Its kinda like pouring ice cubes on an erect penis...Lol. I literally took them from a high to a low. You feel me abi? Anyway, I made one or two attempts at trying to clone my thoughts for their benefits...BAD man wanted me to talk about SEX! Ha!

Again not wanting to walk away defeated. I gave them a washed down ORAL take on one of my blog pieces, "THE ART OF KISSING"...Now I don't know if they bought it...but I didn't care anymore cos even I myself, didn't buy the mumbo-jumbo I was now spitting. All I wanted was to wrap up this SHIT as professionally and classy as I walked up there. Gave them the address to my blog, tag it as an experience and bounce the hell out. One lady walked up to me as I was leaving, introduced herself...and said all I was saying made a lot of sense to her...and she was really enjoying my piece and wanted to hear more. So I shouldn't be disheartened by the crass crowd. She wanted my blog address and BB pin. I gave her and was happy for the comforting words. Actually, I'm more than happy for the sad experience because I was able to get one more blog reader who might have never heard of my blog. So to all those who boo-booed me off stage. I say! Your Poo-Poo STINKS!!! Hahaha!

Have An Amazing Sunday Lovelies! Kisses!
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Saturday, 22 February 2014

Alex's Audio Diary 4

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Friday, 21 February 2014

FEMI BRAINARD: Men....And The Personal Hygiene!

Hello Lovelies, hope your day is going okay? And you are yet to run your vehicle against the buttocks of another vehicle...or curse out the female motorist behind the wheels with the 'L' sign...nor have you engaged in a shouting match with Danfo drivers...hopefully you have avoided altercation with policemen or narrowly escaped LASTMA or V.I.O impounding your car...Lol.

Perhaps you have managed to escape having your name in the middle of office gossip or managed to get a smile from your obnoxious boss...Thankfully that colleague of yours with bad breath is on the field can breathe easy now. Hahaha.

I won't regale you with tales of how I mistakenly overdosed on antibiotics today nor will I bore you with how long it took to get my very good friend FEMI BRAINARD to finally email his post admist his busy shooting schedule. I won't keep you waiting.

Actor, Writer and TV Anchor, FEMI BRAINARD is my 'Celebrity Guest Post' Author for today. Please read his exclusive post...and feel free to comment and keep it interactive. Here it is;


Many a time some men think that personal hygiene has to do with spraying a deodorant under your armpit in the morning, wearing expensive colognes to support it and you are done.

We tend to take boyish jabs at our women when they spend unfathomable time in the bathroom and while dressing up. But come to think of it. We always secretly like the total package once they are done. Well manicured nails, a well ironed dress, a touch of makeup (Thank God, not too heavy not heavy) and a fragrance that is appealing to the senses.

Being men, we do not spend eternity on our wardrobe and person. But come to think of it. If our women can spend so much time on looking appealing and neat, WHY CANT WE? Do not get me wrong. I don’t mean we should tow the line of the unending bathroom romance nor the sudden everyday crush with our reflection in the mirror.

All I’m saying is men should also pay attention to themselves when it comes to personal hygiene and grooming. You see a well tethered gentleman amidst a crowd. He seems alone or may be seemingly neglected by the people at the party and you wonder why.

You approach him for a conversation and on getting to him, the first thing that greets you is his ever BOOMING BODY ODUR. You think, oh well, I can still manage this. Then his friend waltz along to say a hello. All hell breaks loose cos he just made your evening worse with his chronic case of Halitosis (Bad breath) you now wonder what could go wrong next

MEN! Lets pay more attention to our selves. Grooming and personal hygiene takes minutes and leaves a first time impression on people. From our nails to our hair, our dressence right down to our understatements (Briefs and vests) All we need do is spend that extra two to three minutes on ourselves.

Trust me, we will be the better for it…….winks!

By Femi Brainard

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Thursday, 20 February 2014

Valentine Alelluyah Whisper!

I recorded a spoof video on Valentine Madness....Well, I got my first real valentine’s gift in 12 years. Abeg...somebody help me shout Alelluyah!!! Lol. Enjoy!
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Funny Pix: What Do Ice-Cream And A Dick Have In Common?

My mischeivious Indian friend Arja has a knack for sending me some amazing ackward photos, he believes might stir up ideas for my blog.

And whilst he leaves me in utter disbelief everytime. I had to share this with you? These girls are hungry for dicks...plain and simple. And I'm not referig to "Dick's' ...some fast food place in seatle, Wyoming. I mean a live human size penis. Okay here's what I picked;

1) These girls are exhibitionists...they have no inhibitions and absolutely no guile about having someone watch them get into some exercise...err sexercise! I mean...just suck the bloody thing inside, will you?! Hian!

2) I'm wondering how long it will take them to eat all of 'him'...yes, HIM...I can't say 'IT', because the gender of this inanimate object has been clearly defined.

3) "Sex sells"...Even the Ice cream parlour has bought into the branding mantra...Now who wouldn't want a dick for $2 or 350 naira? Ha! I'll buy 10k's worth. You nko? Hahaha!

4) The girls wanted a large portion of dick's icecream. It only came in chocolate. Wait o! You mean white men don't pack that much or are they just racist? Lol.

5) They are very greedy. See their small mouth sef. Can't even get the head in. What a bloody waste!

6) Imagine a red blooded male this big, ice cool and tasting so bloody sweet. Men wouldn't have to work so hard to get our attention, would they?.

7) This could well be an anti-gay right publicity. "Hey, look at us...We are cool. We are straight...And oh! We love DICK."

8) I'm verrry amazed at the veins and wrinkles on them. See, the one on the left is a young dick. About 20-25years...still has a lot of plugging to do. But the one on the right...check out the folds/wrinkles... Oh boy! That thing has seen the insides of every porthole down south. You can tell its an aged penis. No doubt!

9) If your man messes up, you can always threaten to replace him. Let him picture you eating up this piece of ice-cream with far more glee than you do sucking him up. Trust me, no man wants to compete...even if its with an ice-cream clone.

10) Can I just a get a VANILLA version of this please...Whaaat?! Don't I have the right to experiment beyond racial boundaries like these adventurous ladies? Abeg, hold ya sef. Unlike poles attract...hehehe!

Please let me know your own take on this picture. You might have noticed something I missed...Yes ke! Have a Terrific Thursday Lovelies. Kisses!
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Wednesday, 19 February 2014

My Photo Diary

I realised recently that I don't have many photos of me with my son Ray...and not even a single video. So I decided to make a short photo movie with our favourite song by Adele- "Make you feel my love". Well, Ray likes it...i thought to share it with you.
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Yipee! Its One Month...

Hello! My Lovely Blogger-villans, Guess what? Two days ago marked one month I started this blog, and I'm very happy to announce that its no longer "Under Construction". Yipeeee! Popping the Cham-pag-ne!! (Where's your glass?!) Oh well, feel free to navigate through the pages...

And here's the BEST part of it all. I constructed this entire web blog, word for word, line for line, colour for colour, font, text, image, layout, design, links, gadgets even the errors (if any) all by my-pretty-novice-self using my 2 mobile phones (A blackberry Z10 and a Bold 5)...Can you believe it?.

Its amazing the journey I've passed through this last one month developing a passion into a VISION. So I have certainly challenged myself beyond my rather 'limited' technical imagination. And the endless sleepless nights and migraines trying to figure out where to find a widget, how to move a gadget or load a page (thanks 'google search' really are my true friend. Ha ha ha). Its over now. Let the fun part begin.

So its 3 weeks away from my birthday...March 10th and I have only one WISH. Please help me make this vision come alive by subscribing for free post alerts by email, joining the site, sharing your thoughts as well here and sharing my blog page with others on every social platform available to you (see it as a little blogger-villa movement) Lol.

I want to quickly use this forum to thank and also apologise to all my friends, family, colleagues and contacts I've been hounding on BBM, Whatsapp and Emails with my many links...Biko, make una no vex with me eh. My passion don take over and my pikin must chop na. (He he he). Just so you know, I'm not taking your patience and access for granted. I truly value and appreciate you all. I just need your love, encouragement and support.

ALEXANDRA N' HER NAKED THOUGHTS simply began with me just trying to voice the different inate thoughts I have about random things happening in the society and generally with myself and others. But somehow, somewhere, some of my written thoughts have influenced, encouraged, entertained, maybe even irritated some people. I just express what others are thinking, feeling or going through but might be too afraid or timid to share.

But the beauty is that some people have grown attached to my thoughts...and it humbles me to know a lot of people find value in them. I am not a life coach, I don't pretend to know everything. I am simply a young woman who has failed a few times, made some mistakes, learned the hard way and has come into a new found 'Presence of Mind'. I love to scribble, I love to talk and I love to be in front of the camera...yes ke! Communication is my ART...And I will express myself in every single way I know how to...and no-one will shut me down from sharing the gift I have. My self-discovery journey isn't over yet because I'm still conquering my devils...but I'm happy to be doing it with my new family. YOU!

P.S: Please let me know what you think about my blog...and me ofcourse (*blinking eyes)...And oh, don't forget to read my Random Musing post for today... "THE ART OF KISSING" Hahaha! Have An Absolutely Fantastic Day Lovelies...And remember, everything is possible, if you are willing to try! Kisses!
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The Art Of Kissing!

I have noticed most of my babysitters a.k.a house keepers have something in common. Well, this new one Comfort is not any different. They all love to watch Africa Magic and I don't mean Africa Magic Entertainment (Ha! Heaven forbid that they should watch the channel for premium quality movies and series in Africa...No o, it has to be the one that features Aki n Paw-paw, Patience ozokwor or John okafor steering up trouble). Anyway, I walked in and saw her watching one of those channels that represent what I like to call the 'Old Nollywood'.

There it was, a kissing scene between Jim Iyke and Eucharia Anunobi...Oh Lord! This movie, I remember seeing it years back and it has forever hunted my imaginations. Once again I'm watching Jim 'tongue-lap' up Eucharia's face in what looks like a facial wipe to me in the name of KISSING. Hian! Okay, I admit those days were the humble beginning of what is now a highly celebrated career they both have...But I can't help thinking about that damn kiss...and please not in a flattering way. I can't help but imagine that some men actually do indeed swap buckets of saliva in your mouth, probably chew up your tongue or just give you the 'Jim-3-tone facial cleanser' as I'll like to call it now (Forgive me bro...Hahahah) Yep!

As a young teenage girl, my mother used to say, "if you kiss a man, you'll get pregnant" err...that's true figuratively...because a good kisser might leave you dropping your panties and yelling all sort of profanity that will make even your grandmother's cheeks flush. Lol. But for the sake of correcting that theory. If you kiss a BAD kisser (and I don't mean downtown street lingo as in 'baaad'... I'm talking uptown straight english downright 'terrible', he won't even get to second base, talk less of seeing the colour of your under-pants.

I remember filming in 2008 with a particular actor. He was playing my husband and was supposed to leave for a trip in a scene, naturally I was meant to give him a quick dry kiss on his lips...So I leaned in...Oh! Mbok! Big mistake! I swear, he stuck his tongue so deep, that 3 years later I was still walking like my womb had been dismembered as I could still feel the kiss in my uterus. In fact if saliva had spermatozoas, I would have been pregnant with octuplets instantly. Yes it was that bad (And let me not remember the silly director who went for take after take at my expense) Lol. Naturally, as an actor, I had to keep a professional calm and count the hours till wrap. But I couldn't help but wonder how the real women in his life must be coping.

Kissing for me, is an Art and As adults, it might be a good idea to know more than a teenager about PHILEMATOLOGY (the science/art of kissing):

Kissing is exercise. When we kiss, our hearts beat faster and our breathing becomes deep, mimicking exercise. Meaning that if done right, kissing can actually be a great workout, as a 60-second kiss burns more than 50 calories.

Kissing can be proper etiquette. In many European countries, it is proper etiquette to greet someone by kissing them on both cheeks.

Kissing raises self-esteem. Kissing signals our brain to produce hormones that makes us feel good. And it’s been proven that one kiss leads to another.

So, what’s the secret to a romantic kiss that will knock her proverbial socks off? Here’s what women say they’re looking for in a kiss:

Please Don't Give:

1) Sloppy, wet, and all over the place tongue smacking.
2) Your tongue shouldn't be all the way down her throat. What's it doing playing with her tonsils eh?
3) Thinking that kissing is the precursor to her giving you oral sex. Mba mba! Hell no!
4) Don't lick her mouth. That's just nasty. In fact forget all the tongue gymnastics. You are trying to communicate to her, not show off your talent. Its not the kissing olympics.
5) Fast jaw movements. Stop that! Guy, she doesn't want to be chewed on.
6) And please, please don't lick her face. You're not a puppy. And we are still yet to prove that 'saliva' is a better beauty product than the 'Revlons' and 'Neutrogena's' of this world.


Start gently. Let your mouth wander as she allows, but pay attention to her responses. Light strokes on cheeks, neck, and back get extra points, as these areas are usually ignored (at least initially). At the beginning, a light caress on her face is definitely recommended, and should give way to a harder grip as kissing continues. Pause briefly to catch some air. Timing is everything. Start slowly, keep it light and feathery... and stay slow enough to watch for signs that encourage more rapid movement and advances. Kiss her lips, cheeks, eyelids, and neck — slowly until she can't handle it and begs you for more.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Wet-Sloppy-Kisses! Muah!

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Tuesday, 18 February 2014

The Dating Game...

I get a message from a close female friend..."I'm in a dilemma. I need to see you" so I panick because I think something is wrong. Then, I ask what the problem is... She says, we need to speak in I push for a little hint (Trust me na. I'm a curious cat. Don't ever try dangling succulent gist in front of me, in a bid to tease me and hold it back. I will pounce on you and squeeze until you spill some juice...) Lol.

Anyway, the long story cut friend is in a dilemma over two men. Well, we are yet to have 'the talk' but I'm a little biased already because I know the one she's with loves her stupid...I mean like 'good' stupid. And at the end of the day, the one who gives themselves sincerely and completely is the only one who deserves us, hands down...but eh! All I talk na be grammar abi? It still doesn't stop the decision of choosing 'who' to be with from being so complicated. Even if someone like my friend has narrowed their options.

Do you choose the one that excites you even if they aren't stable? Do you chose the one that tolerates you even on your bad days? Do you chose the one that's emotionaly available? Do you chose the one that's good to you Or do you choose the one you've known the very longest? The one who gives you money, great sex or something that looks like love...

Let's be honest for one minute. Men use 'love' to get 'sex' from women and Women use 'sex' to get 'love' from men...Yes its true! Women think if they SCREW the hell out of him...He may become attached and grow to LOVE them and Men know if they drop the 'L' word, BOOM!! we turn to 'pudding' ready to give them the very thing they truly want, SEX. But what both sexes have failed to realise, is that 'DATING' is a big set up.

A massive set up of 'games'. The game of 'Hit n Miss', 'Luck and Chance', 'Try it out for size', 'Use it and toss it'... and the only real winners are those who come out losing hands down, but learning in the process. that God is the only reflection and source of true lasting love...

And by that 'He' is supposed to be the foundation upon which every relationship should be built, or it will definitely crumble. The problem with 'LOVE' is that you can choose to love whoever you want, but remember to keep it in mind, so also can they... And it may not even be you.

But if you hand over your heart to God, he will place it in the hands of the one who's truly deserving of you (mind, body and spirit). Someone who will guard your heart with their lives, stand by you no matter how tough you are, and love you so much so, you will never have to worry about being used or abused ever again. Enjoy Your Tuesday Lovelies. Kisses!
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Saturday, 15 February 2014

Alex's Audio Diary 3

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Friday, 14 February 2014

Err...The Valentine Blues!

I wasn't going to do a written post today because I didn't want to get in the way of my "CELEBRITY GUEST POST" for today by my actor, director friend, JOHN NJAMAH...(Please click the CGP page to read his thoughts) ...but in the spirit of St. Valentines day (which I actually forgot was even today, thanks to my baby sis for reminding me that I'm either too old, too boring or just not good enough a woman for any man to change my views about the world's most popular 'event'...VALENTINES DAY)

Ha! Don't tell me you don't know Valentines day is an EVENT. An emotional magnificent, money-sucking spectacle. Ask them 'Bros' na (as in warri pidgin, not yankee phonetics o) you know...dem 'bobos' they will tell you, gifts, scopings, err, the works... is someone knocking at the door?...Let's not forget the 'hearts' that will be broken all over the floor.

As for me I have long consoled myself that its okay to be the 'side boo'...err...All is well...haven't you heard "No Expectations, No Disappointments...". How can you break my heart, when I've already used my own small dainty hands to do so on your behalf?. So for any man who's rehearsing the 'RAP' he wants to give me as 'excuse'. My dear, my 'blues' is on replay..."Its not right...but its okay...I'm gonna make it anyway...La la la"...Thanks Aunty Whitney Houston, you have left me with beautiful musical solace. I find this song very relevant today. Lol.

Even though today is a day to give back to the society, show appreciation to loved ones, and love to the needy or just anyone in need...I'm grateful to those who have hijacked the real meaning of valentines day. They have given people in 'committed' relationships one SINGULAR event to look forward to every year, those in 'complicated' relationships a day to be very wary of...and the 'lonely' ones like me, a day to simply DREAD. And yes, I have always dreaded valentines day, maybe something spectacular is waiting to happen? I'm yet to know, but I must admit I love SURPRISES...

So whilst some of you will be mushy, cooing, snuggling, spooning, kissing and oh...SCREAMING, I'll be reading my audition script, hoping my son will steal five minutes away from Disney Junior to notice me...or I can try console myself with the 'auto reply'... (yes my little toddler is on auto reply...he sometimes, repeats everything anyone says). So I will just say "Ray, I Love You"...And pretend I'm surprised, when he says "I Love You Too, Mummy". Hahahah. Let me know how you're spending your own valentines day... I'm dying to read! Well, I'm on my way to an audition. Wish me luck! And oh don't forget to hit the share button under this post.

Have An Amazing Valentine's Friday Lovelies. I love you... Muah!!!
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JOHN NJAMAH: Attempt At Defining Love....

An Exclusive Post By Award Winning Director, Actor, Writer and Film Critic....Here;

When Alex asked me to send my naked thoughts, a lot of things juggled in my head as to which bring out to bare. Knowing the kind of person she knows I am and her great expectations of what I will write to spark a lot of interest, I could sense her somewhat disappointment when she called to ask “how far’. I told her I wanted to send a poem instead…in line with valentine’s day.. Which I hear is today February 14th... She paused at the other side of the line, I stifled a giggle knowing what was going through her head. You see, I have be known to write morbid, deep, dark, eerie and cerebral poems, and so when I mentioned to her that I was going to do a poem in place of my naked thoughts on Valentine’s Day, she froze. But I was quick to assure her that this dude can be flexible as dark as he may seem or perceived.

So people, today is Valentine’s Day. I won’t bore you or put you through the rigors of defining or identifying with what valentine day means. But what I have done is to attempt to define love ( from my perspective) … embedded in this definitions is a little bit of what love is to us, or what love has done for us and what love can do for us … I hope!.

L O V E I S . . .



John njamah
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Thursday, 13 February 2014

Special Feature: Yaaay!! Page For Celebrity Guest Post.

Hey Lovelies! Here's my PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: I have long noticed that some of us Artistes and Celebrities are sometimes perceived as 'Dimwits' with no imagination other than 'looking good' and taking gruelling 'instructions' from whoever is calling the shots in our Directors, Producers, Artiste Managers and Agents...But Guess what? I know, some Incredible 'Talents' with minds as deep and fluid as an Ocean.

Yes, I like to share my 'Naked Thoughts' but I also like to know and learn what others are thinking as well. So wouldn't it be even more interesting to get a chance to read what some of your 'Favourite Celebrities' are thinking, about random issues?! Well, I personally can't wait to read from them as well. Yaaay!!!

So I have opened up a 'Special' PAGE, where some of my closest celebrity friends, colleagues and artistes within the 'Creative Industry' who simply like to MUSE or share a similar interest for 'writing' can write 'Exclusive' Posts just for you, my lovely readers every FRIDAY (Nice eh...but you know, I gats to rest my fingers joor) Lol.

So brace yourself for some more interesting are about to explore the 'naked' thoughts of some extra-ordinary fascinating minds...Don't forget to show them some love and keep it interactive...Writing is no easy feat, trust me on that one. So keep it locked here... And don't forget to stay visible and 'active' to win some Fantastic Giveaway(s).

Have A Terrific Thursday Lovelies. Kisses!
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Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Whats With The Left Hand?

Over the weekend, my son and I made a quick stop at a supermarket a few streets away from home. Usually, his nanny would step out to get whatever was needed while we waited in the car or I go get it while I leave them both in the car. But this time Comfort took the weekend off, so it was just me and Ray.

Well, we both go in to the shop and as always everyone cooing him left, right and centre. We are used to the attention he gets. I'm not even competing with the biggest celebrity in my house. My almost 4-year-old tinny feet, Mr Ray has many fans and he hasn't even started a career yet. Anyway, just as he's smiling and giving the shop owner's husband a 'HI-five', an elderly woman walks in to buy something.

I can't remember exactly what she asked for, because I wasn't paying much attention to her. I already had my mind occupied with Ray, my shopping order and yes, the road side where I parked my car just in case the real owners decide they are tired of letting me keep my own. property. Lol.

I think the old lady must have dropped her money because my very observant Ray picked up a #200 (naira) note on the floor beside her, tugged at her clothes and gave her the money...err...with his 'LEFT HAND'. That's when hell broke loose! Mama just burst out angry. At first I thought, she thought he took her money, so we were all trying to explain that she dropped it and he was only helping. Noooooo!! That wasn't the problem at all o. Hmmm..."How dare this 'omo kekere' give her something with his left hand?. Omo ti o l'eko!" Ha! Did this woman just say my child has no manners?! Wait a friggin minute Mama...I'm rolling up my invisible sleeves in my mind. This woman deserves a beat down, how dare she insult my well mannered son who simply helped her...

Ray wasn't trying to be rude. He is JUST 'left-handed' and that means he does almost everything with his left hands, even with people constantly trying to confuse him by giving him things in his right hand or asking him to do things with it. Well, the store owner said I could train him to use his right hand, correctly. But wait o! Who told them that I want actually want to 'correct' it. Its things like these that discombulate me.

Left-handed people have historically had a rough ride, labeled 'cack-handed', 'sinister'...The SOUTHPAWS - they are even forced at school to write with their right hand (as I believe I, myself may have been... leaving me with a somewhat clumsy AMBIDEXTERITY..the ability to use both my left and right hand).

Most people think of left-handedness as a genetic issue, and while there is a link, some also indicate certain MYTHS that left-handedness may often be the result of developmental glitches. This, in turn, may make lefties more susceptible to some mental disorders, as well as being accident-prone. Ha! Na wa o. Being left-handed has even been linked to an increased likelihood of trans-sexualism (Ehn... For where na?) as well as a level of high-achieving brilliance (Ehen, now they are talking sense).

There is a popular theory that generally explains the brain hemisphere and how it affects the theory of handedness. It is believed that if all functions are carried out in both hemispheres of the brain, the energy consumption of the brain will be greatly increased. The way the brain works is incredibly complex so simply put when explaining brain dominance and handedness, we say that the brain is 'cross-wired' so that the left hemisphere controls the right handed side of the body and vice-versa and hand dominance is connected with brain dominance on the opposite side – which is why there's the wise saying that 'only left-handers' are in their right minds!!!



Christianity and its many connotations haven’t helped either as it literally favours the right hand. For instance, it is known that the right hand gives the blessing and makes the sign of the cross (I'm catholic by birth, so I know this one wella...even ask the sango and idol worshipers which hand dey bless?). The Bible also contains over 100 favourable references to the right hand and 25 unfavourable references to the left-hand. E.g.: The right hand of the lord doeth valiantly, the right hand of the lord is exalted (Psalm 118 vv15, 16). In the parables of the sheep and goats. The sheep are set on Christ’s right hand and the goats on the left. (Mbok!!! My pikin no be goat o) Lol.


The latest research on left-handedness comes from Yale University. Researchers claim their study shows it has a strong link with psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia.

While around one in ten people are left-handed, the study, published in a journal says IT DOESN'T JUST RUN IN FAMILIES.

While the Yale researchers didn't attempt to explain the link between schizophrenia and left-handedness, another new study suggests difficult conditions in the womb - such as toxins, stress or malnutrition - may increase the likelihood of children being born left-handed. That poor environment may also make them more vulnerable to developing schizophrenic disorders.

Researchers from Graylands Hospital in Perth, Australia, looked at the maternal health records of more than 1,000 high school students born in Belgrade in Europe. They found that the left-handed teens were far more likely to have been born to mothers who smoke (see oh, I don't smoke...And, I never did...that report doesn't count for me). The Australian scientists believe their study shows that while left-handedness can be inherited genetically, many cases are acquired before birth through environmental problems suffered in the womb. And insist that inheriting 'left-handedness' is simply not a clear-cut matter of a 'lefties' gene, either because even identical twins, who have 100 per cent of the same genes, do not always share handedness.


Problems in the womb may also explain why left-handedness appears to make children more accident-prone. This again may be a result of poor brain development due to conditions in the womb.

A Harvard University Medical School report this year suggests, however, that some of the difference in accidents may be due to the fact that lefties have to cope with a world tailored for right-handers. 'For example, left-handers might have more accidents when using power tools designed for right-handed people in a right-handed society.


Perhaps the most surprising aspect of left-handedness comes from Richard Green, a professor of psychiatry at the Gender Identity Clinic, Imperial College London. His research was based on a study of 400 male and 100 female transsexuals over four years. The study found that the majority were left-handed, which again goes against the trend for the rest of the population.

A study revealed that transsexuals' fingerprints tend to have distinctively strong ridges. Professor Green believes that hand preference and fingerprints are both formed in the first 15 weeks  after conception.

He says their development in the womb is influenced by the sex hormone testosterone, and that this influence may also somehow underlie the GENDER 'dysphoria' - feeling mismatched from the biological sex you are born with - which transsexuals experience.

However, other research, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association. The study of male-to-female transsexuals, led by Diane Watson, a professor of psychiatry at the University of British Columbia, also found high levels of left-handedness in transsexuals (note I said transsexuals, not gay).

But she said evidence shows that this can be related to stress suffered either by the mother when carrying the baby, or by the baby during a difficult birth, through prolonged labour, oxygen-starvation or breech delivery. Thus, she believes that many cases of 'left-handedness' can actually be determined around the time of birth.

Left-handed people have indeed historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers.


Are lefties disproportionately brilliant? There are a great many accomplished artists and world famous people who are left handed and obviously, their dominant hand being the left did nothing to deter their drive or achievements in their chosen fields. Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Aristotle and Charles Darwin count among them. Even Michelangelo and Rubens, Benjamin Britten, Paul McCartney, Jimi Hendrix, plus five of the seven most recent U.S. presidents, including George Bush, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, British prime minister, David Cameron, James Cameron, Spike Lee, Pierce Brosnan, Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Judy Garland, Whoopi Goldberg, Nicole Kidman Marilyn Monroe, David Bowie, Eminem, Jimi Hendrix who is also a leftie and May I add, even our own Desmond Elliot. Left-handers are also pretty good at sports and things involving hand-to-eye co-ordination. eg. Rafael Nadal...Not that I know much about sports or even care for it. I just occasionally ogle all the hot-ass looking men playing footsie (tongue out...hehehe )

Chris McManus, professor of psychology and medical education at University College London, argues that left-handed people as a group have indeed historically produced an above-average quota of 'high achievers'. He says that the different way many left-handers' brains are structured WIDENS their range of abilities.

It is thought they use BOTH sides of the brain for tasks such as 'verbal processing', where right-handers use only the left side; or they use both hemispheres for a task where a right-hander would use only one. Professor McManus adds that the genes which can determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centres of the brain. His studies have identified at least 40 genes that may contribute to making people into SOUTHPAWS (We are back to the issue of genes again)

Professor McManus, author of the book 'Right Hand, Left Hand', says the proportion of left-handers is rising. Records show they represented only 3 per cent of people born before 1910, compared to the 10 per cent right now. This may be due partly to the fact that widespread discrimination meant it was often 'beaten out' of children. And as adults, left-handers were often shunned, resulting in fewer marrying and reproducing, he says. But as discrimination reduced in the 20th century, however, the number of natural left-handers who stayed that way increased.

Professor McManus adds that the rising age of motherhood has contributed as well, since, statistically, older mums are more likely to give birth to left-handed children, though the reasons why, are not clear. He argues that the increase in left-handers could produce a corresponding INTELLECTUAL 'advance' among humankind and growth in numbers of mathematical and artistic geniuses, and other high achievers, such as those already mentioned. That's very Good news for me indeed (I will rather believe that myth than any other absurd theory, as I know my son isn't clumsy, didn't have any out of the ordinary complications during birth...has no mental disorder and will not be transexual).

However, my vestigial left-handedness has simply rendered me the world's clumsiest typist as it has also left me in a state of confusion over the words 'left' and 'right'. Please don't ever try to give me directions when I'm driving (ask my close friends).You know the hand rules...Left hand (Toilet hand), Right hand (Eba hand) lol. They both just seem the same to me. And I actually use right hand for toilet...wetin person go do. Too graphic for you eh. I know. Well I know my left hands are stronger when sweeping, doing hand laundry, even driving. Plus don't we use our left hands to eat whilst using a fork and knife? Ha I tire o. Anyway, with all the many myths about handed-ness, I have long since been accredited to the right-hand society but I will never impose on my child a myth I clearly don't believe...or even try to confuse him further.

So as I'm standing here thinking of the choice insult to dish 'Mama-Vexation' ...err... I just turn to her and curtsy, "Ejoo ma! E ma bi nu si omo mi" in the best 'fake' yoruba accent I could muster. Oh well, for those who don't understand my insult... I said to her "Please madam, don't be upset with my child. I beg you"... Hehehe... I know. I begged...Well, I didn't have the nerves to insult a woman old enough to be my mother or his grand mother, even though I honestly think she deserved a facial hard reset aka BIG SLAP. Yes na or don't you think so?... "Thank you" or "Ose omo mi" should have been the appropriate thing to say to the little boy who found her money...but instead, she forgot her 'own' manners and got caught up in all the weird superstition and myths we have adopted about left-handedness in these part of the world. And its sad that left-handed people go through such malicious segregation and those many superstitions still survive today. But err...I wan ASK again o, what's the big deal with the left hand?!

Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies. Kisses!
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Sunday, 9 February 2014

Alex's Audio Diary 2

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Saturday, 8 February 2014

Alex's Audio Diary 1

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Friday, 7 February 2014

Funny Pix: Killing Two Birds With...

Ha ha ha! I can't stop laughing at this picture...Quite Funny! But if I loosen up my sense of humour just a little. I might just see everything that's right with this picture. As a woman and a mother, here's what I picked;

1) Meal time is serious business, aint no one joking about it, even if they are many blocks away from home. (look at both their faces).

2) Women are great at multi-tasking (remember my post about the left and right hemisphere of the female brain?)

3) She cares about her child's safety. (Notice the daughter is anchored by right hand plus she's also wearing a helmet... And yes, its a girl...look at the pink sandals).

4) Breastfeeding is very important source of nutrition to keep a child healthy and the mother fully recovered.

5) The Woman cares a lot about her physical fitness and is focused. (Probably doesn't have a babysitter and really doesn't need to break her cycling to feed the child).

6) She's obviously not seeking public or male attention. (Her attention is practically shared between the child and her exercise. Notice her wedding ring?)

7) The neighbourhood looks quite deserted and lonesome, not much risk of having strangers ogle her firm mammary(s). Lol.

8) She's keeping one of the important rules of motherhood. Always carry change of baby clothes and diapers. (Look in the black bicycle carrier).

9) The child will pick up early enough, the healthy attitude of exercising.

10) The woman will burn more calories faster from the combination of cycling and breastfeeding (its true, ask your doctor) he he he

Its obvious whilst we might pay more attention to the quirky(ness) of the picture and the danger it may also pose. There's obviously more to pat her for. Go Lady! Go Lady! Go! I wish I had the spine to cycle around Iyana-Ipaja with my tripple 'D's hanging out for okada riders to ogle. Yepa! Lol. She's obviously enjoying the benefits of living in the surburbs. I have only one question though...Who took the friggin picture? Any ideas? Well, I bet my lunch...its probably her 'naughty mischeivious' husband...Hahaha...or What do you think?

Have a Fun-Filled Friday Lovelies! Kisses!
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Thursday, 6 February 2014

Mirror Mirror...Which is Fairer? 'In Love' Vs 'To Love'...

I shared the good news with a few trusted friends that my dear friend VAN had 'finally' grown to love the one man (the right man) I thought loved her unconditionally and they are making plans to get married soon.

Naturally, one of these friends who really hasn't met her but tapped into my excitement wanted to know what finally made my sometimes-hard-headed friend fall-in-love with the guy. I nicely corrected him "Van didn't fall in love...She actually GREW to love him"

Of course we get into a conversation about the difference and my position about love. I can't stop reiterating that LOVE is a CHOICE not a matter how many people choose to disagree without clearly analysing it. So I remember reading an article a year ago that shared my exact sentiment. So as part of my 'THROW-BACK THuRSDAY' I thought to share excerpts of it

"The Real Difference between 'Love' and 'In Love'- BY QUENTIN MCCALL

{For years R&B songs, movies, and just the general opinions of people have taught us that being “in love” was greater than simply “loving” someone. I, personally, never felt this way because I grew up in church and my Granny taught me better.

Every time I heard someone say, “I love him, but I am not in love with him,” my skin would crawl and I would feel this heat build in my throat. It caused such an emotional reaction from me… simply because it’s a 'ridiculous' statement. 

The essence of love, from a relationship or marriage standpoint, is that real unconditional love grows over time and develops from going through the storms together. When God sent His son (Jesus) to restore fellowship between himself and man, He did so with unconditional love in mind and not “in love.” If God was just “in love” with us, Jesus would have never been given to us for the salvation of our souls. There is a difference between love and in love and it’s not what most people think.

What exactly does being “in love” mean?

A simple definition of being “in love” would be a euphoric experience based on emotion, with two people falling 'aimlessly' for someone they are yet to know well. Falling “in love” is almost like being infatuated on an obsessive level. Its not loving at all. We do not fall “in love,” We actually GROW to love. Real love grows over time and it is not based on an emotion, but a CHOICE.

So, if someone believes love is a choice, it’s impossible to believe being “in love” means more than “loving” someone. The entire concept of being “in love” is based on emotion and being on ‘Cloud 9’ when we first meet someone we really like or are attracted to.

You see, every relationship will pass through the “in love” phase in the beginning and stay in that phase as long as the couple fail to seek true growth in their relationship. Typically, though, the “in love” phase will last between 2-24 months (and even longer for secret love affairs). In the “in love” stage of love, people will do and say anything to keep who they assume they love happy, but the actions are purely based on 'emotions'. Being in love is a temporary place in the early stages of the relationship, but to grow to deeper levels of bonding we have to move out of it at some point and GROW into “love.”

Here are some things you need to remember about being “in love”:

• “In love” is a euphoric experience.
• “In love” is an illusion and counterfeit of real love.
• “In love” is not better than “loving”… It’s, actually, the lowest form of love because it’s not a conscious choice to love.
• “In love” is an emotional high (much like taking drugs or drinking).
• “In love” takes over you. Thus, you will often “fall” for the wrong person.
• “In love” takes no effort. Real love requires maximum effort.
• “In love” is usually associated with someone trying to heal from wounds or terminate aloneness.
• “In love” keeps you blind and will limit you in getting to know someone.
• “In love” means you are carried away.
• “In love” means you are emotionally obsessed.
• “In love” means you have an illusion that your mate or the relationship is perfect.
• “In love” deceives you in believing that warm, tingly feeling on the inside of you is the real thing called “love.”

Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a well-known psychologist, did a study on “in love” and determined that the 'average' length of this 'emotional obsession' is about 24 months, a little longer for those in delusion. If you truly desire real love, you eventually have to come down from the clouds of being “in(side) love” and allow your feet to touch the ground. Once your feet touch ground, you can join hands and walk as one towards “growing” to love. The “in love” experience does not focus on true 'growth and relationship development'. Its goal is to create emotional feelings based on an illusion and not the bad or “real” parts of the person. “In love” comes crashing down once the emotion is removed, which means you never “really” loved… you just were 'in(side) love'. Once the “in love” phase has run its course, the REALITY of the relationship or marriage will be revealed.

Now, let’s talk about real and authentic love that you 'grow' into and not 'fall' into based on emotion. Now, for just a minute, think about all the bad relationship mistakes you have made based on emotional decision making. How many people have you had sex with no emotion during this “in love” stage? How many people have you entered into a relationship with when you shouldn’t have, based on being “in love”? If we are being honest and accountable, most of us have. This is why the “in love” stage is just a place we pass through on our way to “real” unconditional love.

So, what is love? In its simplest form, love is a pure 'choice' we make to value and devote ourselves to someone (regardless of their faults or imperfections) without our emotions blinding or misleading us. When two people love one another, they seek to grow to create something much greater than themselves. Love will have emotion just like “in love,” but there is a difference. When you truly love someone, your emotions are not based on any “obsession” or illusion. Real love doesn’t cause you to lose your mind to the point that you become irresponsible in your making decisions. Real love requires effort, discipline, hard work, and a need for a couple to hold hands and walk as one.

Our basic human need is not in falling in(side) love, but in authentically being loved by another; and real love grows out of a choice. We should desire love from someone who chooses to love us unconditionally, not from someone who is just high on emotion and claiming to love us. The emotional need for love must be met if love is going to be healthy and based on pure choice. Love works and it is a very powerful motivator. We were “all” born with a need for love. No relationship is successful without real, unconditional love and God must be the source of that love. This type of love is not discovered in the “in(side) love” stage and, until people move out of that stage, their love will be forever challenged by unhealthy emotional decision making.

P.S: To 'FALL' means to slip. Yes! An accident. To 'GROW' means to develop. Love should never be an accident. It should be a pure choice to develop. So like I told my friend Kingsley today...People grow to love. And for someone, something or feelings to grow. You need to feed it, nurture it and care for it. And remember, GROWTH doesn't happen overnight. It takes time.

Congrats to Vanessa for seeking wisdom and growing to love the right man. His continuous patience and devotion finally won you over. May your love blossom...and same for those who desire genuine love.

NOTE: If You Like Today's Post, Don't Forget To Share It With Those You Love (Or Even Like A Lot).

Have a Terrific Throw-Back Thursday Lovelies. Kisses!
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Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Truth...Point of Views...And The Arguments!

I just realised something rather pivotal this morning. People will always stand by their own truth, and truth in itself is relative, simply because we all process things from our individual point of views...sometimes without being aware of other circumstances that might affect or influence our judgment. Still something might be true but it may not be a FACT.

I had a little tiff this morning with a friend I consider special, I was a little dismayed that while engaging in a text conversation last night, he asked me a question, I replied him immediately and I didn't get a reply again till 7 hours after...sometime around 6am, a simple "okay..." (And oh, this isn't the first, second, third or fourth time...that he starts a conversation, goes M.I.A and replies briskly in the morning).

Naturally, in my dismayed front. I said he was the king of asking questions to answers he really wasn't interested in knowing... You know those type who bump into you at the bus-stop. 'The-how-are-you-default-types'...they are programmed to ask how you are doing but actually don't wait for the reply, especially when you are most dying to confide in them.

Ofcourse there was an explanation. He replied me 'Alex you have started....bla, bla, bla, network issues, bla bla bla, Miss Assumpta. Cheers." (Please note the bla, replacement for the other part of the text that simply didn't register to me much) I picked up on something..."You have started...Miss Assumpta".

I promise that I consider myself a pretty thoughtful analytical mind. I don't just assume things. I process my thoughts and my feelings. I accept I may not always be correct but I'm more right than I am wrong. At least I always think I have a point. Wait! Did I just assume that my friend just called me a "Trouble-maker" who's spoiling for a fight in that reply? I don't think so.

Of course we exchange a few text messages where I explained that I only expressed my observation based on a series of circumstance that appear true to my point of view... And that I duly noted that I'm being passed of as a troublesome woman. You would think a man will borrow some sense and see what the real issue was about and apologise immediately. No!!! There came the teasing, the mocking and what I call the 'escapist jest' in form of tormenting.

How dare he mock me for an issue I consider serious when he never fails to drop hints every chance he gets. He claims I love to argue because it stimulates my mind to no end and keeps my thoughts fresh and airy...and whilst I have no guile admitting that I do love to engage in witty banter. This was clearly not that kind of situation. It was me addressing a long overdue issue I had with him, his own assumption that every time I express myself in truth, I'm spoiling for an argument.

Men are yet to understand that women hear things differently and communicate differently. God made the woman primarily as an 'emotional feeler' who perceives, receives and translates verbal and non-verbal communication as an incubator by processing them in her emotional and mental mind at the 'same time' WHILE the man chiefly is a 'logical thinker' who generally thinks in terms of facts and in a linear fashion...both forgetting the communication difference is meant to compliment each other not drive a wedge.

In design, the brains of female and male are different. The neural pathways between the left and right hemisphere of a woman's brain (both logical and the emotional side) are intact. This allows her to process facts and feelings almost simultaneously. Which explains what puzzles men: how women are able to do multiple tasks at the same time. Her emotions are with her all the time she is thinking, and it influences her perspective on what is communicated to her.

In contrast, there are fewer nerves connecting the two hemisphere of the male brain, so that the logical and emotional sides are not closely connected. Because of this, he basically needs to shift gears to move from his 'dominant' logical mind to his emotional mind. This is why men think like a straight line - the shortest distance between two points (he he he) which gives them the ability to visualise a goal and focus their energies solely on reaching it in the most straight forward and direct way.

Women on the other hand, tend to think more like a grid than a straight line. Her brain is designed to pick up many DETAILS that men don't "see", things that go beyond mere facts such as personalities, motivations, and feelings of both herself and others. She can analyze and evaluate the relationship between x, y, z and coordinate on a grid track a multiple of factors all at the same time.

Communication comes down to feeling, thinking and expressing. Women and men both think and feel but a woman's first natural reaction will generally be an 'emotional one' followed by a thinking one whilst a man's first reaction is a thinking one even if he feels otherwise.

For example, a woman will be looking forward to a planned romantic evening with her husband. She prepares food, sets the table, polishes the silverware, gets hair done, dresses up nicely and meets him at the door when he comes home. Husband walks in, says hello and strides right past her without noticing her new look, instead of going to the table, he goes to the living room, says "I'm going to have dinner in front of the TV while I watch the news" . His mind is still on work mode. He is intent on finding more information that may affect his work and help provide for her and the family #FACT.

However, from her 'point of view', because she unaware of this, she is deeply hurt at his behaviour; her first reaction is to FEEL that he is ungrateful, inconsiderate and totally heartless. Here comes the ARGUMENT...she busts into the living room and approaches him angrily. He asks "What's the matter with you?" At this point she sees nothing complimentary in the way he's designed. When we don't understand our 'purpose' we begin to MIS-INTERPRET motives. And its this 'suspicion' that creates conflict. She took his indifference personally, while he was too preoccupied with what he was 'thinking' to even NOTICE what she was 'feeling'

Some men are yet to understand that when a woman keeps reiterating a point, perhaps she's desperately seeking him to circle that point and address it before it gets out of hand and becomes a major issue. Of course you can playfully call a woman FAT once and she may laugh at your joke. But if you playfully call her 'fat' several more times or in the middle of a serious issue, she will start to believe you have stylishly expressed a sincere opinion...and God help you, if she let's it go and forgives you easily. Lol.

There's is the assumption that women get angry for no reason. Oga wait o! That's not true. The reasons might be small, silly or irrational...but there's always a reason. And those reasons are as solid, vibrant and authentic as the red bottoms of a $2000, 8 inch Christian Louboutin heels. You simply can't question the validity of that.

Do I hate to be presumed as a 'troublesome' person? No, not if that was in fact true...but in a case, where I'm actually the sensitive woman who unbelievably shys off confrontation however paradoxical it appears, to the woman who seems very fearless behind her ink...Yes, its true. But it does hurt me to have a close friend so blatantly misunderstand me over the years. And I mean it, because (well he can ask me that later if he chooses).

My point is that Women have often been written off as foolish and inferior by men because most women are expressive and show their emotions and some men assume their own 'logical' approach is superior, rather than complementary. Forgetting that she need not apologise for her design as no one gender can look at the world with complete perspective. A man's single minded-linear thinking combined with a woman's peripheral- feelings/multi-dimensional vision can help them both reach their common goals and experience life's journey in the fullest, wisest and most rewarding way possible. So Hey Kay, you owe me an apology. And that's all I wanted. A simple genuine one. I just didn't need to point it out to you! Lol.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday Lovelies! Kisses!
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Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Distance...And The Perfect Match!

Recently, I've been playing SHRINK to my family friend Charlie (he'll kill me if I mention his real name) lol...who insists his wife of 7 years has fallen out of love with him. Whilst it is painful for any man to watch his partner 'fall out of love' with him and treat him like a stranger in his own home...I don't think she fell out of love, infact I don't think anyone does, especially since I don't believe people fall in love.

I belong to the school of thought that believes that people "Grow to Love" not fall in love...and that his wife simply grew to 'unlove' him. That's the truth because for something, someone or 'feelings' to must FEED it, nuture it and nourish it. If you don't, it will only die. Same goes for love and relationships. And its no surprise to me at all, that his constant 'absence' put a strain on their marriage and his wife had simply figured a way to FUNCTION 'without' him. LOVE and NEED go can inter-place need with 'value' if you may. How can you love something or someone you no longer need or have value for? Make any sense?! My Point Exactly! And there's nothing more notorious than 'distance' to put a strain on even the tightest bonds.

Some people think the longest absence might be less perilous to 'love' than the terrible trials of incessant 'proximity'... but I think the closest bonds are formed on the wings of PROXIMITY and the true test of every relationship is really in the TRIALS and 'strength' of that bond. Still the perfect match in my opinion, is a bond that can't be separated!

Some people say "absence makes the heart grow fonder", while its true in some cases, it also could make the heart grow colder...Distance might give you the space, FREEDOM to establish individuality and stop you both from irritating one another or getting in each other's business from time to time. But on the other hand, it could also INHIBIT you both from discovering all there is to know about your relationship 'together' as a team.

Anyone who's thinking long term knows that distance while it has it perks is a major hindrance to 'building' a solid relationship. Remember, everyone has basic needs and those 'NEEDS' requires someone to provide them. If your partner isn't emotionally, sexually, psychologically, financially, spiritually stable or otherwise and YOU are not physically, spiritually and emotionally 'PRESENT' to either 'provide' their needs or be their support system, then be SURE your partner is getting their needs met by someone else.

Note that your partner doesn't have sleep with someone else to cheat on you. If they are flirting, texting, spending time, receiving ominous gifts or confiding in someone else...they are already INVESTING part of themselves and that's half way there. And you can't blame them for not being strong enough because "Distance" really puts the strain on bonds.

Still If your love has been tested and you both have been through so many challenges in your relationship and its still not enough to tear you apart, because you 'both' have made a 'brave' CHOICE to keep it, fight for it and work for it. Now that's a 'perfect match' in my books! Have a Terrific Tuesday Lovelies! Kisses!
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