During Talk Therapy over the WEEKEND, I told one of my 'Clarity Callers' that he would have to honestly DECIDE if he still wanted to keep on loving a woman who abuses her privileges, takes him for GRANTED and obviously doesn't care about him or his family.... And then he said he couldn't help his feelings. That he was in love with her. So I asked, if he understood that Love is not PAIN, that love doesn't hurt....instead it brings Peace, Growth and JOY. I don't pretend to have all the answers, in fact I'm learning more about love as I journey everyday through life but one thing I have learned the hard way is that... it's only up to us to actually decide 'who or what' gives us Joy or brings us Pain.
WE can only truly say we LOVE someone after we have gotten to learn about a person over time, gone past the "in-love" emotional lust or shall I say 'lost' phase...and can see that person for who they really are, no illusions, no assumptions and yet still make a conscious "choice" to give that person our unselfish, undivided, un-conditional, un-diluted DEVOTION based on stark reality and not our fantasy. That 'choice to love' despite being hurt so many times, despite the uncertainty....is a decision.
And then he asked me "Alex, how can you say that Love is a decision?" My theory is simple. If Love was just a feeling, then perhaps, the bible would not describe love the way it does. Love would be boastful, it would be jealous, impatient, self seeking, it will keep records of wrong doing etc. And to be honest, all these are real human FEELINGS...So when I find people who are able to better manage all these weird feelings. It's because they have somehow made a choice to downplay how they feel and practise some form of active consideration.
Hence the reason, it makes sense to me that God who is Love... shows us the real way to see love and the right way to practise Love, with GRACE. And that's why regardless of our weaknesses and FLAWS, his love for us will never WAIVER because that is his decision, not a feeling!
So when IMPERFECT couples like my parents who have stuck together for 39 years irrespective of their differences, desires, goals, needs, struggles, changes and weaknesses... and yet, still choose to stay together, not because they don't have the option to leave nor haven't considered the thought. But because they understand that love takes EFFORT.
Well, that Effort is a Decision, not a Feeling. In other words we can truly love anyone, as long as we 'choose' to and for as long as we still DECIDE to!
Or what do you think Lovelies? Feel free to share your own thoughts.
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