I have met several men who had real INTEREST in me but couldn't tell that I already had a son until I blurted it out...and let's be honest...I'm practically always gushing about RAY. Why wouldn't I? He's Cute, Affectionate and a really good Kid...so why hide him? After all the men who had somehow taken up interest in me...didn't care a hoot that little Ray's big light skinned head had sprouted from inside my VAGINA... Hahahah... (okay, technically he came out of my tummy...so everything is really cool in the P- zone). Still I didn't see why that should affect my chances of someday becoming MRS RIGHT to MR RIGHT THIS MINUTE & THE YEARS AFTER because I only want a man who isn't subjected to the common ideals of society...or influenced by the stereotypical assumption that single mothers are FLAWED and that's why they are alone. One who can actually THINK for himself and isn't AFRAID to be with a woman like me...
Now, when it comes to DATING... the cream rises straight to the top. Good men and good women find a person worthy of their love and worthy of loving back, and so whilst those relationships may not have culminated into something DEEPER despite a few good proposals for me. It was certainly not because I already had a little one in tow (thank goodness for a few wise men), but because I didn't want a man just for SHOW...I wanted one who will not just go down the 'road' (and make some quick stops at my Vijayjay just to put his 'D' in my 'P')...but one looking to find his path, all the way HOME to my heart.
And so while I was reading one of the #AskAlex emails sent to me recently by one of my readers Jude, about his concern. He mentioned that his mother disliked his new girl friend because she was a single mother...and he was starting to feel like he may have made a FOOLISH decision. Well, there's nothing foolish about dating a SINGLE mother, if she's a good woman.
Infact, Here are Good Reasons Why It's Wise To Go After One...
#1) She already has the CREDENTIALS to be a mom, she knows what it takes to raise a child. If you are looking for a woman who will make a great mother to your kids...Look no further, she's right there with all the EXPERIENCE to prove it.
#2) You want a STRONG Independent woman. Aha! There you have it. She's knows first hand about being strong. After all she has had to play both mummy and daddy. She has the strength you need and she can support you because she actually knows first hand, what it takes to run a household.
#3) She'll probably be great at taking CARE of you, as she already knows how to handle kids...and let's be honest...we all know MEN are simply overgrown babies. Hehehe.
#4) She has no time to play GAMES. A good woman takes her relationships seriously. Well a single mother could be that kind of woman. She is not willing to introduce jerks, pretenders or players to her child/children. If you are looking for the serious type, you can be sure she's definitely looking for a man who will STAY. And she knows them by their actions. (Don't forget she already knows what it takes lose love).
#5) Single mom's are EASY to please. She won't always expect a fancy dinner, the red carpet, a chariot or the newest Escalade waiting in tow. In fact, she barely has the time to please herself. Time away from her everyday routine...(such as a massage, spa treatment or a movie treat) goes a long way. Imagine how taken she is by a child's first walk, smile or the first time, he mentions the word "mummy". (I even remember one time TIGER got me a bag of mangoes...just mangoes.. yeah, yeah...seems like a small deal but they are my favourite fruits and it meant a lot to me.) Single mothers really know how to find JOY in the smallest gestures. Just be kind to her.
#6) She's PRACTICAL. She really doesn't have time to be a diva or high maintenance. Wonder why she isn't always in her perfect made up face, isn't rocking the latest fashion trend Or doesn't care that the prize of Brazilian hair has gone up a notch. She'll rather be investing that money into her child's WELFARE and education. (Oh yeah, I love to look good but having that famous Gucci purse is certainly not a priority, Rays welfare is). You can say I have my head screwed on tight. Lol.
#7) She's pretty much past being the PARTY girl. She still likes to have fun no doubt, but she is definitely more RESPONSIBLE. (People wonder why I no longer attend shows, events & red carpets...Let's be honest. I've had my fair share of club-hopping and red carpet wobbling. It's not like I'm against it, but truth is I don't have a partner to keep his eyes on my kiddo, while I'm out partying like a lost sheep. And I've pretty much lost my zeal for ATTENTION seeking. If its not adding value to me or my child...Its not important).
#8) She'll provide you with an excuse to play endlessly with her, like go to the park or do goofy things. (After I had my son, I realised I became more playful, yea, I sometimes have to play football with him...ride his bicycle or manage my big butt on his scooter... my sense of humour is raised to the power of three and I'm a big adult fan of bubble guppies. I also remember one period in 2013 I was driving around with a chess/checkers board in my car and making TIGER play a series of backgammon in the car trunk with me, while I waited for the mechanic to fix my car. He won me every time...but it was just cool not to play uptight.). You'll definitely have a PLAYMATE in her.
#9) She can COOK. Somehow the kids have to eat right? That's a priority. No excuse for why there isn't food in the house because she constantly eats out or never finds the motivation to cook. As long as she has the means...the house will NEVER be without food for the little ones and so will your belly. What man doesn't dig the idea of constantly having some meal in his stomach. It may not be a five star gourmet but at least it will come with love.
#10) She knows how to make the BEST of a situation. Having a child means last minute changes all the time. She may not like it...but she can handle it. ( Oh well, if she can handle a child coming down with a fever in the middle of night after he's been healthy playful all day...or he starts to kick and scream as she tries to leave for work. she can calmly handle you cancelling your dinner date at the HILTON to a quick eat out at the nearest buka, without scratching her nails on the wall or pulling out your beard.
#11) She's the BOSS LADY. She can do it all - work, family, career and more - after all she's taking care of someone other than herself and doing a good job at it. Why do you think she can't handle having you in the mix? The question is, can you match up her experience?
#12) She understands PURE love and sacrifices better than the average single woman. It's the bane for which she exists to her child. She knows what it means to put another person before herself. Trust me, no one teaches you the virtues of real LOVE better than a child. If you want a woman to love you for real. Give your heart to a woman who already knows how to love a child.
#13) She's LOYAL. If you are looking for that 'Ride or Die' chick who won't give you up when the chips are down. Well, this single mama could be the one. The fact that she has refused to abandon her child (when some others send theirs away to grand parents, foster homes, the baby daddy's home or even boarding school where she doesn't have to face the physical or emotional realities of raising her child by herself) are all the signs you need to know that she's the kind to do what is right and not what is easy. She'll have your back.
So what do you think Lovelies? Do you agree with me or disagree? Share your thoughts with me. I'm looking to learn more about your views.
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