Two weeks ago, on my radio show, I spoke with a guest who talked about writing controversial letter bombs when she was young...well, technically she was also describing someone like me. In the past I have BROKEN up with exes, written off a friend, cursed out a family member or basically fought back or defended my self with hard COLD words, because I was too afraid to tell the person to their face how I truly felt....That or the fact that I didn't have it in me to verbally curse them out and it was way safer to hide behind words. They may not always be with the intent to be VINDICTIVE...but when we are in pain or anger, the words that MANIFEST are never any beautiful reflection of why anyone shouldn't HURT us further...but how broken and sometimes pitiful we are, as a person.
So cleaning up my note pad, I recently stumbled on an email I intended to send an EX (Tiger) a few years ago... Okay, I don't even know if I eventually did send that particular message, as I have sent many in the PAST and lost count... but I hope to God that I didn't... Hahahah...because reading back word for word. I feel so sorry for the woman behind the pain. And I can honestly understand now, why he probably didn't end up choosing me. How would he have? I was openly competing with his other woman and putting her down to ELEVATE myself. Now, I may have expressed an honest TRUTH but one should always choose their battles...and only FIGHT the good fight. Rather than let him figure out for himself what he stood to miss and who he wanted. I mean, even I wouldn't end up with a man who expressed so much bitterness and hurt. In fact this is a PERFECT example of 'Emotional Blackmail'...a great example of the kind of letter you should NEVER write to someone you LOVE...or say to them because it is an utterly depressive reflection of the kind of love they don't need from you.
You can write it to yourself (but never post it to them). You can say it to yourself in front of your bathroom mirror and PRETEND you are actually lashing out at them...and get all the hurt out. But you should never actually say it to their faces. Restrain yourself from hurting others to hurt you. That's exactly the point where you lose them FOREVER....Take it from a woman who knows what it feels to lose in love. And I'm so thankful, I have left that hurtful bitter angry person behind.
Feel free to read a piece from the old bitter hurt Alex....
"Hello dear, I had some time to think during that tedious long drive back. And I still don't know how I succeeded in deluding myself into thinking a part of you LOVED me...And though I hoped when we had that conversation last night you would ask me not give up on you or be patient and stand by you... And I would have despite myself. But you didn't cos you didn't care that's when I realised there was never any love on your part. And I'm obviously not amongst the mix of the women giving you sleepless nights, so I need to respect you and move on.
The fact that someone was in your past doesn't mean they have to be in your future, especially if they aren't really contributing much to your present. I know you love who you love, I respect that. But I know this much...She's not a better woman than me and she can't possibly love you more than I do cos I know for a fact that despite what you both have been through, she can never be what I have and can be in your presence and in your absence. She can never sacrifice her love or put another woman before herself for you. She can never do for me what I did for her...and what I did for her...was solely for you. She can love you for what you have been to her n given for her...but the difference is that up until now I have loved you for absolutely nothing. And I can back it up. I see history repeating itself and I know without a doubt you'll be making a huge mistake sacrificing me...but as always I know you to be stubborn and set in your ways. In the end all I want is for you to be happy. Even though its hard to believe, I would never offer myself, if I didn't think I could make you happy.
You won't miss me now, cos you have too many women in your focus. But during those difficult lonely days when there's no where to turn but your decision facing you square in the face, you'll remember there was a complete woman, who was a good friend, a lover, your partner n was ready to be everything more to you...And it will be too late because you were too scared to take a chance. I wish you all the best. I do...its baby steps till I'm over you but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to move on. Because sometimes when a woman wants to truly help a man to find himself and focus, she must love him from a distance. Thank you for the best parting gift. It wasn't the best sex we've ever had, but it was very special to me nonetheless. Cheers!"
Did you learn something? Aha! Exactly how cringed reading back and thinking holy damn, this SHIT didn't come out of my head or my mind. But the truth is, it did at that time. That's the difference between when we are in a good HAPPY place and a terrible sad place. I have learned these sorry states don't last eternity. It's safer not to ascribe permanent DAMAGE to a temporary feeling...if we can at least be strong enough to THINK through our pain.
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