QUESTION: "Dear Alex, what's your advice to a guy in love, but his woman isn't visionary even though she is very nice and prayerful? I would like for you to write a blog post. Thanks. Peter."
ANSWER: Hey Peter, It is true that a Man with DREAMS needs a woman with VISION. In fact I don't know any real couple that can survive the harsh realities of relationships or fulfill their life's purpose if they aren't aware of what they both want to accomplish individually as well as together and how they PLAN to accomplish it. And the active and significant role a woman intends to play, to make her man's dream a REALITY.
A lot of men think finding the right woman is simply about finding a peaceful prayerful woman. But haven't you seen pastor wives leave their husbands, or prayer warriors STRUGGLE with relationship dilemmas? Good women on their knees but the problem still lingers because the solution isn't purely about lighting the devil on FIRE with the tongue, or her cool calm nature. But the practical assertion of the words we read in the holy book and how it influences our actions and a lifestyle, that translates into productive results for the actual life we want. Aha! So if vision is the act or power to envisage a goal, plan accordingly or anticipate that which may happen or come to be....Then, I'm referring to a woman with clear foresight or insight on how to achieve desired results or how she can assist or motivate her man to achieve his many goals... whether it is a financial goal, a weight goal, a spiritual goal or even a relationship goal.
I remember in 2003, my mother fired one of the best staff she's ever hired in her business...Why? She said, "the late Evelyn (not her real name) was stealing from her business..." Yes, that was true. But I remember, my father and I incessantly begging her to let her keep the job. Evelyn was a thief...but a BRILLIANT one. This was a girl who walked in with little education and thread on her hair yet transformed herself into a top sales executive. Yes, she was stealing from the business but she knew how well to make the darn money. She had ideas...a vision of how the business should be if it were hers. She never let anyone owe my mother a penny. She was astute and had an incredible attitude about work, including overtimes...Yes, She was that driven, ambitious and making so much SALES for my mother that she grew the business ,because she knew that the more sales she made, the more money she could take out, without any suspicion.
My mother felt hurt, betrayed and focused so much on the little she was stealing... that she forgot the plenty PROFIT Evelyn was making for her business. She couldn't bear someone taking what belonged to her and she wanted a loyal prayerful sales person, she didn't want anyone as ambitious as Evelyn. A simple person who was comfortable with achieving little. But I remember telling my mother that I would rather have a smart hard working thief working for me than a DUMB loyal staff. My point of reasoning was simple. I would rather have 40% of something...than 100% of nothing. I mean, I don't want anyone so unambitious, so dumb that they can't even add a single value to my business. Moreover, People are only LOYAL to themselves and their NEEDS. Just as long as you can somehow tie your vision to theirs. They will stay. And if they grow...You grow....Everyone is happy.
Of course, my mother fired her and the business hasn't been the same ever since. Not because of lack of ideas or hard work but the driving force who required that business to THRIVE to make her own personal gain was no longer in the equation. She took her bold ideas as well as the customers who loved her drive, her ZEAL and work ethics, along with her. All though my mother thought, she would be happier and more confident with a loyal prayerful sales rep... She learned the hard way. Even though all Evelyn's replacements were good people who never stole a PENNY, they hardly ever made any substantial sales, enough to even steal. So what good was it having them there? It didn't matter how many times they fasted for sales to happen, or prayed for customers to come in. They simply didn't have the passion or foresight it took to be a part of the business.
Something, I foresaw. My father did too...but she couldn't see...And let's just say at some point it was no longer interesting for any of us in the family to be involved in the business, it was her business and we had our own jobs to FOCUS on. The one staff, we trusted was brilliant enough to take our CREATIVE input and fly with it, was no longer there. But it could have played out differently, if the one with the dream listened to the ones with the foresight (Vision). And oh, I can assure you that in so many homes, there's nothing romantically fascinating about a person who is either FRUSTRATED with their business or living from hand to mouth.
Now, one of the biggest problems the world has, is that we don't tell ourselves the naked TRUTH. We crave to stand out...Yet, we conform to societal expectations, and try to fit in to average ideology(s), any chance we get. A man will MARRY a woman simply because his pastor says, "That's the one. She's the BETTER one. The prayerful one." Even though, he somehow hasn't factored in other aspects of their lives and what it would actually be like twenty years from now. Christians are getting separated and divorced everyday...and it takes a whole lot more than reading the bible and binding principalities, to BALANCE the different facets of a complex institution.
Don't get me wrong. Having a peaceful home is important and having a prayerful woman is downright necessary...but PRAYER without WORK is dead. After all, the bible quotes that Heaven only helps those who help themselves. And I have come to learn that PEACE is brought forth by happiness and happiness emanates from genuine SATISFACTION. So having a lazy partner who brings nothing to the table, who's job is simply to take, because a man is willing to provide...isn't doing herself, her man or the foundation of the relationship any good. And that's when one starts getting resentful and the relationship becomes unsatisfactory, because one person is giving and giving...And another is taking and taking.
It isn't one person's responsibility to pray or to be catered for...and the other person's own to work. Even if a woman has goals and DESIRES of her own...How does it align with his own goals? How can they partner to become stronger and more DYNAMIC than either of them could ever be on their own? The basic reason that most relationships breakdown is because goals are no longer aligned, mutual vision does not exist...and they no longer want the same thing. One person wants out, another wants in...One wants to live in one country, or become something the other person doesn't want. One lives a lifestyle the other doesn't like...And guess what, it happens to the best of people, some who love but don't understand the dynamic of love...some who have stayed together for years...but have grown apart.
One of the things that keeps a real man going, are the dreams he has, and having a woman by his side who understands it, can nurture it and add VALUE to it, places her in an important position is his life. Whether he is the workaholic who only thinks about work or the affectionate homebody. Either way, it is a win for her and for him. She doesn't need to be a business oriented guru. She only needs to know how to add value to his dreams, his life by finding ways to support & encourage him to GROW and keep growing. Because a passive woman who allows a man to remain stagnate isn't adding any value to his growth and that is not LOVE.... For love is laced with value. One can not show love/ APPRECIATION for something or someone they don't value. My advice is for a man to always look out for what positive role a woman plays in his life first. (Which is why mothers are important to a lot of men...they are the first PRACTICAL example of a woman who adds value to them and propels their dreams).
A woman who has a vision...isn't merely a TAKER or a common talker who has plans that never go beyond her lips or leave her note pad....she is a doer. An ACHIEVER...a woman who has a mental picture of the exact kind of life she wants for herself, the kind of man that FITS into it, how she wants to be treated, how she wants to treat him and how they can together, CONQUER their purpose in life. A woman who understands that there is no mountain high enough, valley low enough nor even a river wide enough, to keep her from achieving a SUCCESS of out it all. This type of woman with a vision is the exact kind, for the man with a dream.
I hope you find some value in my thoughts today. Please feel free to also share your thoughts. Got A Question? Feel Free to click the "Chat With Me" Button at the bottom of my blog.
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