Sunday, 10 July 2016

Love Is Freedom Against A Closed Heart...


Here's a TRUTH - something I now understand better, 15 years after...

See, before now - I never understood how my first boyfriend -Yemi, could love me so much, and not ever be JEALOUS or suspicious of the other men vying for my attention. I never could get why he was so understanding with me...why he was so PATIENT, to the point, it rattled me or why HE was never uncomfortable being around other men he knew wanted to be with me...

Not even once. Geez! I guess I must have gotten some of my openness from the freedom he gave me. I mean I could tell him anything (even though sometimes, I was lucid - other times I was just an enigma, but he knew how to DRAW me out, in a good way... and make my heart skip in a million beats.

I never understood why he always treated me with the utmost respect, like a WOMAN, and not a little girl, even though I was just a 17 year old, going on 18 - he could simply take advantage of. He was 8 years older...wiser...been in the world...And was the most drop dead gorgeous man, I had ever seen...As gorgeous in his MIND as he was in his looks...Whoosh! Many-a-lady his age wanted him, Damn, they did...Who wouldn't? I did the first time I saw him... though I didn't think I had a chance. Pro Basket-Baller, Well Read, Well Traveled, Spoke Seven Different International Languages, had a sense of humor and a weird chuckle to fart for... I still have a hard time getting my pidgin to match his genius. And oh, he loved rock music - Weird!! Yup! But I loved it.

He could have me anywhere he wanted...A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E but, he NEVER did! Despite how much he loved me, how much he wanted me. He never did.

Instead, He always chose to wait - till I was ready. Even when I thought I was ready, right after my 18th birthday. I was ready to give myself, but still he thought I wasn't. He wanted my first time to be beyond memorable...We found other ways to make love...to show love...and communicate our desires for one another, but we never went ALL the way. This was Art... the Art of love (And times, he would joke about how he would NEVER be able to let me, go... once we sealed it and no, he wasn't messing with anyone else). He simply waited.

And Waited till we were no longer a couple. Yet we still were....still are...in the heart of it all. UNSPOKEN, in the shadows. But there! And possibly the only man, who never gave me any reason whatsoever to DOUBT myself, doubt him, his intentions or his actions. Because I understand what real love looks like and feels like, whether he was, in the same space with me, or not. I was HAPPY. Happy knowing wherever he was in the world. I had a secure spot in his heart. Even without the SEX. Forever!

Now, That's Love!

I guess that's why so many years later, I felt jinxed - Reminded of his parting words that no one will ever love me like he did.

And truthfully, no one ever did. It wasn't a CURSE. It wasn't a bitter statement. It wasn't something he said out of anger, pain or bitterness. It was simply a statement of TRUTH. It would take a man with possibly far more heart, pure fire and a tough cranium to dig me in such a way. But not many men are really aligned in that particular order. He knew that.

He also knew I needed to GROW, to go into the world, come into my own... and see LIFE for what it is. And he never judged me, even though many told him that little girl will break his heart. She will find someone else, someone younger, someone new and she will dump you.

He didn't hold it against me - And God knows, I didn't walk away because I no longer loved him. Whaaat?? I loved him far too much. It wasn't LOUD. But it was there, everywhere...so much so that I was scared of my own feelings, so much that I preferred to BREAK my own heart... than let him do same to me when he finally decides to pick a girl his age...or that I'm no longer good enough.

Sometimes, I think he should have stopped me, begged and cried...I probably wouldn't have listened...And he didn't, because He knew he had to let me GO. Let me learn about life's curves.

Oh I sure did, the hard way!

And no one ever did love me like him, not in that same GROWN zone, that mature kind of love, devoid of tricks, games, lies and manipulation many are used to. Just a love that's pure, transparent...and NAKED!

He set such a high STANDARD. So high the men after him, never understood why I always wanted to be treated with the same level of TRUST, respect, openness, freedom and transparency.

They never understood why I never held anything back or Why I wanted them to value my PRESENCE.

I remember how he used to write me and say how honoured he was that I was his little woman - because I could pick any other man I wanted, yet I chose him. Whew! Those words humbled me every time I heard him show gratitude... Humbling??? Yes, very humbling actually, especially coming from a man who considerably more accomplished than me at the time. Imagine a tall dark handsome man - honoured to have me in his life, because he understood that LOVE was a gift and he valued it.

Nothing gets me like a man, who's not ashamed to be completely EXPRESSIVE.

A man who helps you wear your crown, like the Queen that you are...

Even now, after several failed relationships, I have learned my biggest lessons about love, from being by myself ALONE. From taking that space, replaying those memories and discovering the truth - You don't have to be with someone for you to love them or for them to love you...(Remember, those days when we all forced ourselves - or rather forced the other person to stay...to TRY to see us, accept us, really SEE us for who we are). It's not even necessary.

And even if they are no longer a part of your life, they are not allowed to walk away and take away your happiness with them, No way!!! Because true love does not POSSESS - It actually LIBERATES. It sets you free.

So, If you love someone, like you really do...don't keep a closed heart. Set them FREE, let them wander. Don't box them in, limit them, impose on them or takeaway their freedom to be who they really are, or at least who they aspire to BE, because in freedom, their happiness is vital, And its your responsibility to equate it with your own happiness.

And that may sometimes mean that YOU are not even, a part of the equation. And that's okay.

Don't take away their POWER to decide for themselves whether or where you truly belong in their life. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free...because in true love, one attains freedom.

EMPOWER them to be their most beautiful, most SECURE self. They may not value It now...But I guarantee you, 15 years from now, they will realise how much BETTER their lives would have been with you in it. Or at best, they will be thankful for having had YOU play such a vital role in shaping their future.

P.S: In a mysterious twist of fate, I'm always thankful... Yemi, let me spread my wings. And, somehow, someway...I think I'm FLYING! I owe my confidence to his love. And I will always love him for gifting me a burst of freedom.

Culled from My Upcoming Second Book - THE NAKED EXPERIENCE: From Timid Girl To Confident Woman...

Stay Authentic & Keep Winning!

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LETS TALK: What do You THINK, Truth-Seekers? Feel free to EXPRESS your thoughts in the comment section. Better still, send me a FREE Voice Message.



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